20 August 2021

0 the saturday before the start of the semester is tomorrow


and it's not the 16th, so it's not the actual thing. 

but it's another part of the thing. a part i've not had to do before. 

that man who works at the library of congress raped me on a third date. 

it was january 16th. 

it was a saturday.

it was the saturday before the start of the spring semester. 

i went on a second date with an egyptian on wednesday. i told him about the rape. 

i went on a third date with him yesterday. i told him the first week of the semester would be manic and i'd not have the bandwidth to hang out again until after teaching on thursday. that is what i told him. that is all i told him. 

i didn't tell him that it was our third date. that we had survived the third date without him raping me. 

i didn't tell him that i didn't want to see him over the weekend because the weekend before the semester starts isn't just the weekend before the semester starts but also the weekend during which, before the last semester, a man raped me. 

i've been thinking on thursday i may invite him over. because thursday isn't a saturday. it would likely still be an evening but it wouldn't be a saturday.

i've been thinking the ideal would be, like, 2 pm on a wednesday afternoon. you can't get further from the feeling of a saturday night than 2 pm on a wednesday afternoon. 

this is only the second person i've told in person. 

when i told the first person, we were in the same park but gazing into the distance. 

when i told the egyptian, i looked him in the eye. 

i don't know why that matters. 

i don't know why any of this matters. 

because, intellectually, i know a wednesday afternoon carries just as much risk as a saturday night. 

the wounds i inflicted on my own hand are healing. itchy, but healing. 

the new cat has worms. because he wouldn't take the powder, once a day for the last five days, i've had to burrito him in a towel and inject liquid meds into his mouth. this has reenforced the hilarity of my having ever wanted to be a vet. 

i'm aware that when his claws tear my skin, i do not mind. 

i'm aware this is not healthy. 

but we are all doing what we have got to do. 

KBG and i zoomed today, for the first time ever. and seeing her face in the sunshine did my heart good. 

that is it. that is the end of this post. 


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