2 February 2015there's this folder in amongst my jackie folders called "FINALE". i don't know why it's all in caps but it is. probably because whenever i create a new folder on this damn thing, in the heat of the moment of creating that folder, it always feels like that folder represents an Event and so i put it in caps and then what i want up with is more folders with capped names than uncapped which, in turn, overwhelms me because THAT IS TOO MANY EVENTS.
i should mention now that a friend and i at school spent quite literally 20 minutes at a cocktail party talking about how our word files are managed on our computers and our shared fear that we will die before completion and no one will know how to retrieve them all. he has everything noted on an index card. i have nothing but folders named FINALE and "*DECEMBER*" and "*****JANUARY******" and "AMERICAN" (a folder, btw, that is empty and whose meaning i no longer know).
anyway. this was about EVENTS. and file names.
the FINALE folder has been around since last winter. or last june. i'm not sure which, but it's been awhile. since i sat next to N in a particular lecture theatre and jotted down what i imagined would be the last paragraph of my book and which i later typed up. and which i haven't looked at since.
today, that file (bizarrely titled "I'm twelve") was joined by the file "next to the last." apparently, given the capitalization, these beginnings of the end failed to be qualify as EVENTS.
you know what i'm doing here? in the post, i'm circling around the thing that i'm circling around in the book. namely, this: