i'm on a balcony in bermondsey (which, i swear, a part of me still wants to call beardmondelsley, as i did for the first two years of my london life) when jude says, i mean, i can't look you in the eye because we're both wearing sunnies, but really you have to be prepared for anything and i need to be able to look you in the eye and be convinced that you're prepared for anything. but no pressure. you always perform well in social situations. just be yourself. but control your face.
and i'm reminded that i once interviewed steinem.
by which i mean waking up early in a new york city hotel room and having violent diarrhea while debo slept because my nerves were just beyond and then walking the thirty blocks to steinem's brownstone, where i (stuffed full of imodium) sat on a low-to-the-ground couch that puts my knees up above my hip points and gave a convincing performance of someone with normally functioning bowels who wasn't totally unaccustomed to speaking to people routinely interviewed by CNN.
but that was a book. this is a job.
i am, i am realizing, highly skeptical of my own ability to be employed.