31 December 2016

0 yore

four years ago, i was on the verge of leaving chicago.
how bonkers (and heavily filtered) it all looks now!

27 December 2016

0 hmmm

debo: dr. caroline. that's like dr. phil. except, let me tell you something, you're better at people's feelings than he is. 

0 these crazy kids

fyi, have been married FOREV. (well, 41 years to be exact, which is pretty much the same thing.)

24 December 2016

0 ^._.^

A photo posted by Ohlighn (@ohlighn) on

A photo posted by Ohlighn (@ohlighn) on

23 December 2016

0 paging

0 mariah's world

o: watch it. it will restore the parts of your heart that jackie destroyed.
s: that is a bold statement but i believe our friendship will survive it.

22 December 2016

0 small world

a friend of debo's reads a blog which recently referenced a post on finding jackie. the friend immediately emailed my parents under the subject "small world."

the blogger- inexplicably, as it's plain as day- couldn't find my name and, in the comments, someone posted my school profile, noting that my name (why is everyone all up on my name all of a sudden?!) appeared to be legit.

upon reading my school profile, my parents were apparently dazzled by all i have done.

i mean, we knew you were doing all those things, debo says, but we didn't see how they'd add up. 

garebear's enthusiasm is enormous as he says, you really sound like someone!! 

21 December 2016

0 :)

20 December 2016

0 tennised

i tell garebear i'm in wimbledon over christmas and he asks if i'll be "doing the tennis."

this somehow leads to him making a sound with his mouth that is reminiscent of a tennis ball hitting the court. which, in turn, leads to me grunting huh...huh...huyuh, like a tennis player hitting the ball.

we do this for awhile and then stop and the conversation proceeds without our acknowledging having done this.

19 December 2016

15 December 2016

0 the way up

last month, during the second martini part of this long ass conversation we were having, i confided to STZ that i'd been wanting to do a different type of podcast. and i wondered if maybe we shouldn't do something together.

because we've been having this conversation for years.

13 December 2016

0 tuesday

best compliment ever
and an (undeserved) elevation

10 December 2016

0 given the state of our current world, i think we need more mariah

garebear had a moment the other day where he realized that i might be able to access their cable from abroad and watch all the hallmark movies recorded on the family DVR. this was the most exciting thing ever to him because he has longed to discuss mistletoe promise (his hallmark movie of the year) with me for weeks.

so you can imagine his consternation when, rather than immediately watching mistletoe promise so we could discuss, i instead watched episode 1 of mariah's world.

09 December 2016

0 The Author

i cannot find it.

and i think, ohmygodohmygodihavelostit and that seems like the greatest tragedy In The World.

and then i think, it must be with norman mailer, but it is not with norman mailer and that makes everything worse because if it is not with norman mailer then i do not know where it is.

08 December 2016

0 no, this was not me, though i will now be wearing rhinestones to the library

07 December 2016

0 YES.

i no longer remember how this began. whether, some months ago, k.lo's son pronounced my name and it sounded like "aunt carousel" or whether i decided that is what i should be called. both scenarios seem equally plausible.

but, whatever. this is who i am now.

EXCEPT, now i am a doctor.

say hi to doctor aunt carousel, k.lo tells her kid. tell her congratulations.

helloooooo, i say. hellooooooo.

and there comes a small voice on the other end which says something so fantastic that i assumed k.lo would've heard it otherwise and what i had heard was, in fact, not what was said. but, no.

he said it: goooooooood looking doctor aunt carousel.

a promotion.

0 this morning, i loaded on the eyeliner for no reason. sometimes it's like you just know when.

07 DECEMBER 2011

3december 7th

1. ovan was a first-wave hipster
there is a zit directly between my eyes
3. everyone looks this sweaty
in mississippi in december
six years ago today on this day in oline history, in the middle of the rogue wave concert, donovan and i broke up. which was a big, huge thing because it was the thing that brought me here.

donovan is very, very sick. i don't know what to do with this and so i do nothing.

this is my clearest memory, the moment that keeps coming back... it was three years before all that, senior year of college, the friday before christmas break. we were just friends.

he'd been partying all night at the house of people i did not know. early on, he fell and scraped his back and, the rest of the night, there were puns about bactine.

i'd pulled a closing shift at applebee's and went to the party after work. i arrived around 1 a.m., wearing a brand new, painfully preppy outfit from j.crew of which i was terribly proud.

he was standing on the porch and maybe six beers in. he put down his pbr and came toward me like a magnet. taking my face in his hands, he kissed my forehead and then both cheeks and said, "oh, my oline, you've such beautiful tip eyes."

he looked so terribly young then (we are still so terribly young now), as he complimented the eye make-up i wore to make money.

06 December 2016

0 cat sitting in the city


0 FJ: FACT TIME WITH OLINE: the daily mail on jacqueline kennedy’s suicidal thoughts

in the first of what may or may not become a recurring series… FACT TIME WITH OLINE!!!

oh hey, ya’ll. i’m a legit doctor now so please note the new, highly over-educated gravitas of my lit crit here.
good timing too because with the release of jackie, lo! a kennedy season is upon us.
translation: prepare yoself for some really ridiculously counter-factual daily mailreports.
et voilá!

02 December 2016

0 the perfect leaf

a few weeks ago, garebear went on a walk with the dog.

(you're telling it wrong, k.clen tells me when i tell this story. because, apparently, everybody already knows that garebear goes for walks with the dog regularly so this is not as extraordinary as my story-telling would make it sound.)

and during this walk, he happened upon a leaf. one of the first of the season and an exceptionally fine specimen.


(as you well know, in my family we never do anything with anything less than total fervor.)

declaring it THE PERFECT LEAF (i would not be surprised if, in the moment, he actually uttered these words aloud), garebear picked it up and brought it home to show debo.

ooooooooooooooh, they marveled together, agreeing it was THE PERFECT LEAF. a beauty, a gem, leaf of the year!

at this point in the story, when he is recounting it to me as i sit in the kitchen drinking coffee, garebear brings me THE PERFECT LEAF so that i might see it. it is perhaps a sign that i am the zennest one of all that what it took them a week to realize is immediately evident to me.

it was a whole week, a WHOOOOOOOOLE week, garebear tells me, before we realized it was fake.

0 "the continuing story of fezzik's adventures in eating everything in the house"

this is what debo's calling it now when she calls with the latest installment. it's a soap opera with near-daily updates.

last night, my parents had spaghetti for dinner and wanted to finish a film before doing the dishes. in the midst of this, the cat leveraged a wooden spoon to upturn the lid on the pot containing the spaghetti sauce.

my parents dismissed this racket as "the house settling" but, when garebear later went into the kitchen, he found the cat with half his body extended into the sauce.

for months, it has been a point of pride with garebear that, though he cut fez's food allotment, the cat had not complained. turns out, there's a reason for that: the cat is a wily minx.

fez has been eating the dog food, garebear tells me, a note of resignation in his voice. not just eating it, but opening the bag.

my parents have developed a theory that when he was abandoned, it must have been in a room with nothing but a sealed bag of dog food. a bag he taught himself to open and feast upon. hence his uncanny ability to infiltrate sealed containers and order up a buffet.

his greatest feat yet came on thanksgiving.

my parents were lying in bed and glimpsed a strange shape sauntering through the hallway. a sight which would suggest the cat had leapt upon the kitchen counter and grabbed a sealed bag of leftover thanksgiving dinner rolls, which he proceeded to carry up the stairs and through the hallway as he held it in his mouth.

my parents confiscated them. but twenty minutes later he was back, casually, cooly walking the halls with the empty bag the rolls had come in.

clearly, the cat has won.

01 December 2016

0 today, i am a doctor

reportedly, allegedly, so they say.

for someone of great faith, i have a profound inability to believe in anything having to do with my phd.

but yes, official documents have been filed- with the government, no less- which would indicate that today is, indeed, The Day. so perhaps it will be.

i ask the other caroline if we can go for a walk. because i've a compulsion to make it feel like something "real" has happened on this day. because my becoming a doctor doesn't feel "real" enough. whatever that means.

is there a ceremony i can come to earlier in the day? the other caroline asks.

i inform her, no, there's no ceremony. i'm 99% certain that my doctoring will be signaled only by my receipt of an email at some point on this day or- if the trend of the last 3.89 years continues- the day after or the day after that.

you should turn on a special alert, debo tells me, like the music they have at gare du nord, so when you get it, it will be like a choir of angels sings.

intriguing but not feasible. because then i'll be getting alerts all day about things like the KCL english department christmas party and student questions about next week's reading, things that have nothing to do with my becoming a doctor and which will, as a result, be heralded unnecessarily by a choir of angels.

after a day of unnecessary angelic heralding, how meaningful is the choir of angels alert for the email containing my doctoring really going to be?

i bet you get a letter too, N says, trying to make me feel better, suggesting that this will make it feel Real. a piece of paper. i have doubts.

can you chat tomorrow? AV asks.

i don't know. i'm going to be pretty busy, i say. you know tomorrow's the day i officially become a doctor. and she gasps in awe and wonder (because we have been waiting nearly A YEAR) and says she will call anyway with congratulations.

even though it is attached to nothing but the receipt of an email and the passage of a particular date, this is a huge fucking deal. intellectually, i know this. the fact that it is simultaneously so big, so abstract, and so unlikely to have any real immediate effect on my life beyond granting me an honorific that people have been illegally bestowing upon me for months is perhaps why i keep telling everyone i meet.

we were going out to the parlors last night, and a volunteer i don't know very well asks what i'm doing the next day. and i tell her, in the tone of voice one would ordinarily use to say one is getting one's nails done, tomorrow i'm becoming a doctor.

no reportedly or allegedly. it's real.