17 November 2013

0 little earthquakes


i grew up in memphis. one of the things about growing up in memphis is that you hear a lot about earthquakes. because memphis is a city haunted by many many things, and one of them is earthquakes.

and so we had earthquake drills in school. and every home i've ever lived in- in memphis and everywhere else precisely because we were from memphis- has had gallons of water hidden throughout. and we have all of us, all of our lives, been waiting for The Big One.

i only just yesterday realized how this has colored my view of the world, this perpetual anticipation of earthquakes. because my go-to descriptor what grief feels like is to say that i feel like the survivor of an earthquake and i no longer trust the ground. and the best way i can describe speaking on the phone to someone you do not know is drunk is like having the earth shake beneath you while trying to find something to hold.

so i am, apparently, all about earthquakes.

the very great irony being that i've never experienced one.

so if anyone ever does write a biography about me (please, god, spare us that!), it would behoove them to pause here and wonder how much the near certainty that the place i come from will, in my lifetime, crumble into the depths might have shaped who i've become.

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