30 April 2013

0 april: a revue

'i applaud your balls.'

'does london have jesus?'

'i momentarily thought i was probably having a heart attack yesterday due to a ridiculous overconsumption of food at easter, but the realized, ummm, no, i probably can't make a heart attack go away just by standing differently.'

'the silver eye shadow and rampant need for approval really screams secure.'

'way to ask questions! and challenge his thought! and be american! and read mark twain!'

'but her dresses are expensive and the construction should rival that of the eiffel tower! not the leaning tower of pisa!'

'yes, i feel like “apartment & cat near bastille” should be a lifelong ambition for you.'

'it has not been a great few months for things making sense.'

'i'll vouch for burvil. burvil is cool.'

'hey, my beiber fever broke early.'

'California Justice, also known as “Fun Times Party #YOLO”'

'i feel like if someone were to examine my fiction collection, they would conclude that i like to read by the pool.'

'why don't you just make a tasty drink? i don't need to be educated.'

'if nothing else, by the end of this i'll have produced great abs and a book.'

'and then i went up there and his breath smelled like gold.'

'day is going well though. despite my impending death by green snot.'

'granted, they're words i would highlight in a book, but a white trash girl can't go up to a black cock and say that.'

'you are in and out, boom, ready to move on with your life and eat tacos.'

'i’m in an outfit that is actually flattering (as least as much as is possible for someone who is pregnant and not kate middleton).'

'i miss drugs.'

'what if your parisian kisser is reading your blog?????'

't-minus two days until the sex party.'

'i just have to say that it is so brave, what you do. writing your BRAIN THOUGHTS down, and submitting them to professionals to read and grade'

'if i had energy last night, i would have made him cupcakes.'

'that makes total sense. at least, it makes as much sense as it can for someone who knows nothing about london geography and neighborhoods.'

'they're really into mongers over here.'

'i went and got books and then talked to every single one of my relatives.'

'what if the girl is like me? what if the girl isn’t like me?'

'so i'll marry an old or foreign man, and if he's black well then heaven help the cake topper.'

'this guy seems to consistently knock the snot out of pressure.'

'they will be the abs that london built.'

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