18 July 2012

0 defining the relationship

i'm realizing i have problems internalizing the true meaning of certain words. take my abusive relationship with the word "usual," for instance.

because when people ask if i'm traveling right now, i say, "not as much as usual."

which they likely interpret as a travel slow-down but by which i really mean "not as much as i did last spring during the chicago : new york : chicago : rancho cucamonga : chicago : LA : chicago : san diego : chicago : paris ordeal."

but then, that was not "usual." nor, should it ever be.

a similar thing happened upon inquiry into my summer plans, to which i've always responded, "nothing." but, in that sentence, "nothing" signifies chicago : detroit: chicago : new york : chicago : atlanta : chicago : memphis : chicago : vegas : chicago.

which is obviously not nothing.

what i can't figure out here is whether this is some new-found lack of self-awareness or if, in fact, it is the norm in my head and my inability to be still is just that deeply ingrained.

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