13 April 2012

3 deep deep thoughts from the naked lady bar: seeds, awkward silences, abraham lincoln and SEX HAND



"yeah, yeah, he did a lot of public urination."

"how do you spell 'fivel'?"

"you sound like the lorax..."

"i am like the cherry tree lorax."

"i speak for the trees because no one else will."

"because those bitches in washington get them, those same seeds, right?"

"i'm a native of indiana so i say that full-throatedly."

"japan is killing me right now. their trees and their women who are marrying me."

"i am the lorax, motherfuckers."

"gif it."

"that was like true whimsy in your misreading."

"there are a lot of accents going on here."

"maybe this bar got put in a guide or something?"

"that is how you toast that- EMPTY GLASSES."

"it's like the thorn birds... with the bird."

"but i thought that fivel costumes were big in the czech republic."

"i was going to say that was a seminal moment but then i thought better of it."

"sex hand. YES."

"maybe that's a southern thing."
"so only in the south do we have awkward silences?"
"only in the south would you consider silence as awkward."
"well, only in illinois would you think of abraham lincoln every 7 minutes."

"no, no, it's the psychic imprint."

"i swear it's a thing. just like the hawaiian tribal ghosts."

"you're registered at macy's and great america... wait... what?"
"um... crate and barrell."

"maybe someone's thinking of sex."
"every time the three of us have an awkward silence it means somebody somewhere is thinking of sex."

"if i think of sex every seven seconds and i teach a 90 minute class, how does that work?"

"i'm trying to type my middle grade witch fiction and they're two cushions over making out."

"i didn't want to move because my coffee cup was there."

"they weren't even smiling. it was like he was looking into her eyes for her lost contact."

"you should do the sex hand now."

"i mean, when i saw the movie, i didn't understand the mechanics of car sex."

"did you have some sort of traumatic backpack experience?"

"are we at a sports bar?"

"well, i mean, they are clearly americans."

"i think you could do a little bit better on your naming of the afterlife."

"i flirt with gross."

"was there menstruation?"

"because i was doing shrek with menstruation and i was confused."

"it's kind of like this elaborate werewolf metaphor for menstruation."

"it's canadian... i think that says it all."

"it's like japan has menstrual leave and a bunch of americans yell 'woo!'"

"undulating knives. that is what it is like."

"sorry again, for the 2,000 years of misogyny."

"it was really the least misogynist aspect of the ancient times... the period tent."

"you know what just occurred to me today? that male professors and male students see each others penises when they pee."

"no, you expose your genitals though and that's a little .... intimate."

"so he's there peeing and i don't know what to do and i don't know that japanese protocol."

"so they totally know what their professors penises look like?"
"well there's a silhouette."

"i will never poop in this bar."

"i thought you were going to come at my face with your vagina."

"i want to watch you one day. but not in a weird way."

"more horses, less menstrual blood, fivel."

"i don't think mice menstruate, do they?"

"i want to clarify... i did not have sleeves."

"OH. it got real! kissing in public!"

"i'm on board except for 'zillion'."

"i scared the shit out of him with my sex hand."

"you're like gabriel garcía márquezing the shit out of this. i don't know what page we're on."

"here's what i like about the word 'fucking.'"

"tamales? we're going to regret it if we don't."

"seriously, sex hand forever."

"you've got that really nice undercutting with the dog shit."

"that's the ultimate sign of weakness- i've been defeated by something pink and flowery."

"that could be a whole new thing- it doesn't count if you don't know."

"OH MY GOD- gif... but not."

"why are we imitating people who are dispassionately fucking for money?"

"they describe it the same way i would describe making an excel spreadsheet, except with passionate thrusting."

3 comments:

Osutein said...

We were in fine form last night. Worthy of the sex hand.

oline said...

like a fine wine, we seem to get better and better with age.

oline said...

no lie. i learned how to spell menstrual from typing this post.