06 March 2012
bikram yoga is ostensibly completely predictable. the room is always hot as blazes. the instructor provides the same running narrative. the poses are the same. they come in the same order. you hold them for the same length of time. every class lasts precisely an hour and a half.
i find that sameness a tremendous comfort.
but there is one variable at play here and that is your body. it's funny how one variable can be scary as hell.
because there's really no predicting how your body's going to fare. i've gone into the studio some days feeling like the queen of the world and struggled to balance on one foot for even a second, much less sixty. other days, i've gone in with a blinding headache and pulled off the practice of my life. your body is the only variable, but it's a big one.
and so my practice of bikram has been haunted by my twin fears of passing out and puking in public. to date, i've done neither of these things, but the threat remains. they're not outside of the realm of possibility and, in bikram, there is no predicting what your body will do.
it's comical then, that i've spent months bracing for those catastrophes to befall me, only to be felled by the most epic nosebleed of my life.
this would be gross under any circumstances. it was particularly gross, coming as it did, in the midst of a pose where my head was tilted downward and, upon my 6-count exhalation, blood went splattering ALL.OVER.THE.FLOOR.
reverting to my sixth grade self, my immediate thought was: omg, everyone's going to think i got my period.
that was before i realized that it was probably quite clear to everyone that i was, in fact, hemorrhaging from the head.