25 January 2012

10 the poo-pocalypse


my parents cat is dying the slowest death of any animal ever. it is, unfortunately, a death by diarrhea. (this has been going on for over a year. i have written about it before.)

despite the fact that she is single-handedly responsible for the introduction of the phrase "poo-pocalypse" into the vernacular of our family, my father is surprisingly unwavering in his determination that mimi will not be put down unless her quality of life is compromised. because a total loss of bowel control apparently doesn't qualify as compromised quality of life, mimi will likely outlive us all.

but i dare say my quality of life is severely hindered by the continuance of hers. i am not a classy lady (surprise!), but still there are topics i'd rather avoid. excrement is, by and large, one of them. alas, it is everywhere.

all anyone in my family can talk about these days is the cat's shit. joe, burvil, debo, doesn't matter, it's all the same... gary's cat is really sick. she's pooping up a storm.

i don't even know what that means beyond the fact that it sounds appalling.

over christmas, mimi was kenneled. not because we were going anywhere, but because my dad didn't want to have to deal with a house full people on top of all the cat shit. within hours of her arrival, the doctor called to report that mimi was obviously near death as she'd had back-to-back episodes of violent diarrhea. no, my father told him calmly, that is just who mimi is.

we seem to be caught in a vicious cycle here. with each shift in mimi's treatment- which has run the gamut from cans of $50 food to thrice daily shots- the initial euphoria has been punctured by the diarrhea's inevitable return and the subsequent poop report.

this unending quest to resolve the matter of the cat shit is my father's latest anthropological endeavor. in his eagerness to report back from the field, i am treated to his findings daily:


it is now my greatest fear that my father will one day write a sci-fi novel/memoir and that it will be entitled poop storm

10 comments:

Linda said...

"Cat blew up last night"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Linda said...

....HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

(laughing forever. funniest sentence ever. the end.)

oline said...

surely you have stopped laughing by now, but if not i am certainly happy to have made you laugh.

Linda said...

tee hee. poop.

Meggie said...

I feel like all of my conversations (besides gossip with you) revolve around poop. Baby poop, dog poop, poop poop poop.

Speaking of, there is a book titled "Toilet Yoga" that I think I am going to get my brother. It makes me giggle.

mak said...

Yeah, I'm with Linda on this one...

(*poop!*)

mak said...

Also, it may a) comfort b) appall (sp?) or c) do a weird combination of both to you to know that I have been fighting my own poop battle with my cat, but in the realm of "the cat quit covering her excrement in the box when we lived with the crazy cats of my roommate, but even though we haven't lived with those cats for going on seven years, she still refuses to concede territory to either of them (both now deceased), and WHY the hell does her shit suddenly smell so much worse when she's been eating the same thing for eight years?"

oline said...

nooooooooooooo! no more shit-talk. i beg you!

mak said...

OK, so option b it is!

The Whiffer said...

Your Dad sounds lovely. Oh to have been an only child. "The cat blew up" - Classic.