03 August 2011

7 mortified

a zamillion years ago (ie. may 2010), k.clen and i happened upon the angsty wonder that is mortified.

imagine, if you will, sitting/standing in a bar on a friday night hearing people read excerpts from their adolescent journals. i know, i know. BEST. THING. EVER. right?

given that i've been regaling you with the adventures of young oline for over a year and a half, you probably know where this is going.

in the coming months, i'm going to get mortified. allegedly. we think. i've not yet pulled this shit together so who really knows.

thanks to an hour spent parsing my adolescent journals with a total stranger in a bar beneath the stock exchange, i do know this: my topic.

and what will my topic be, pray tell?

young oline's very great sensitivity to the suffering of long-dead historical figures and total hatred of the young people of today.


Linda said...

I think it may just be the coloring of my monitor (the darkened looking eyes), but it looks like young oline is being haunted by a set of dead twins from the 80's.

Osutein said...

Why are all the pictures of youngoline so amazing? Were you genetically incapable of making normal faces at that age?

oline said...

the frightening thing is that i still make all of those faces. and for this i will likely die alone.

Osutein said...

We can add that to the "Did You Know?" box in your Norton Anthology entry.

oline said...

i feel like my norton anthology entry is going to be:

"oline eaton published a story once."

and then just a whole mass of "did you know?"

Osutein said...

Did you Know?

Fat (Car)Oline Eaton was not actually fat? She did, however, die alone because she could not smile properly. Also, she won a Pulitzer or something.

oline said...

...and she wound up in a ditch, incontinent and riddled with mouth-cancer because of those twenty cigars she smoked.