31 August 2011

2 august: a revue


"apparently 2007 was the Year of the Naked Lady Bar. we just didn't know it until 2011."

"i have now spent entirely too much time thinking about architect barbie today."

"four people have asked in the last 24 hours if i'm doing ok, and that can't be good."

"my boobs hurt, and I am painfully aware of my ovaries."

"i love this belief!!! i will cling tightly to it!"

"this one time at work, a lady who loves indians read my palm."

"your college love life is an unknowable black hole."

"do you know what sounds awesome? a warm buttery roll that those old-people buffet places have. just putting that out there."

"i forgot the name of the the pizza place, but it's right next to where the chicago massacre was."

"i am trying to figure out how to date myself this evening."

"i feel like this is the 1987 equivalent to naming your child 'miley' in 2011."

"i'm trying to imagine the perspective on an innocent bystander outside of the Pregnant Club."
"as an innocent bystander outside the Pregnant Club, i'm trying to imagine the perspective that could lead members of the Pregnant Club to even have a Pregnant Club."

"i feel good about none of this."

"redheads can totally wear rompers! "

"even though it's against all my ideals?"

"that makes me feel like doing a lady roar."

"do not attend a Mexican Baby Shower in the far suburbs if you have other plans that same day."

"i always forget about your southern roots with parisian overtones -- this meal was pretty much drafted with you in mind."

"you ARE so historical. whereas me, apparently, i am more hysterical."

"ohmygod, that shit is short, girl! what you doin'?"

"sharks were the bitch of the sea."

"so there's an official new boyfriend?"
"well -- the declaration was made on facebook. i'm not on facebook, though."

"the beubonic plague is not an STD, caroline."

"buff that shit in."

"oh, i meant REAL rogue. like wolverine."

"shiny happy people are my idea of the apocalypse."

"she is cool and socially liberal, but in an NPR way, not a 'let's be swingers' way."

"my silence is a noncommittal maybe."

"it makes you want to hang yourself on some piece of flare."

"i told the 29-year-old guy sitting next to me that i did not want to have children. the fact that this has moved out of my relationships and into the arena of Things Told To Strangers On Planes seemed like something you should know."

"i'm thinking your child will be like an ultra-smart adopted 10 year old. And you can peer edit each other's stories."

"i either look cute, or like a grey-pants version of pam on season 1 of the office."

"is she going to have you release doves? because if she is… you kind of have to DO that. as part of your 'say yes to everything' dealie."

"the moral of the story is: if amazon delays my shipment order, i HAVE to have another baby."

"i do not know how people refrain from looking at things on the interbwebz."

"although, with my luck, it would also be a crotch dog, and there would be an ovarian cancer scare every time someone new walked in the house."

"but, I forgot the advanced age of the rule-makers."

"that's discredited a bit by the fact that i wouldn't want to deal with my own children."

"yesterday was such a magic."

"oh no, there are a lot of chairs here..."
"yes, and i will have my way with them all."

"i KNOW i could rock this face, but could i rock that outfit?"

"who would have thought 'single ladies' would be the cause of such turmoil! and not the bottom kind."

"the corporate world of moderately priced soaps… what a rat race that must have been."

"i am hoping that lorelai's humor and pretty pretty hair will tempt the baby to hurry on up into this world."

"let us both take a moment to think of cupcakes."

"oh 2005. the most dramatic year."

2 comments:

jmillewitz said...

"she is cool and socially liberal, but in an NPR way, not a 'let's be swingers' way."

My fav!

oline said...

i still don't believe redheads can wear rompers.