i relate to kristen stewart most in that she is, in nearly every interview, characterized as clumsy and has, on more than one occasion, publicly fallen down.
it has not been a year of steady steps.
i fell on my front stoop and tore up my forearm last june.
in november, i fell face-first at the feet of patty duke and was gifted a bruise so deep that my shin sometimes still aches in the night.
and last week, i slid on the ice and nearly destroyed the annual elvis donut.
at the time i thought this was surely enough clumsiness for one year. surely i could make it through the rest of the winter fall-free.
but, um... no. the other night i fell down. big-time. on the back steps. my knee making contact with the wood with such force that it shook the balcony and sent the cigar garden falling from the window ledge.
when i was a kid, such incidents would leave these massive volcanic wounds, but i do not wound well now. my skin doesn't seem to respond properly. instead of exploding, it tears. in long eerily straight streaks, like fissures. or fault lines.
i don't know why it does this and googling "skin scraping in long lines" has shed no light upon the matter. but it does create an awkward situation in which my badly busted knee looks like something that it isn't.
i had a mole removed in college and had to wear these elaborate gauze bandages around my wrist for several weeks after. when i ran into an old high school aquaintance at blockbuster, she clearly interpreted these bandages as the result of a suicide attempt. when the bandages were removed, a scar was left that makes it very much appear that if there were, in fact, any suicide attempts in my past, they were inflicted with a standard sized hole-punch.
my busted knee has a similarly dramatic, misleading effect. because, when you look at it, you wouldn't think, ah, yes, that woman fell down on wooden stairs. rather, you would conclude that i self-harm. with fine tined forks.