"oh how i loved that dress during my dr quinn days!"
"yes, it drips with dr quinnness."
"i ate half of an apple-filled doughnut this morning. that means good things will happen, right?"
"why would you not take on someone for a future of glory just because they're going to be gone a week and a half now?"
"what a waste of outfit! i coulda worn corduroys!"
"it seems important that you know i brought one bag of clothes and three bags of food."
"i'm sorry. i like your faith but the catholic church has a better musical tradition."
"the diana makes everyone a little more '70’s', doesn’t it? it will give our faces fashionable sheen, and cause our cute side bangs to feather."
"that's a legitimate way to be... ambivalent about hand-holding and not wanting to fist-pump."
"my intimate space begins 10 metres from my person. asian cities will never do."
"i just had an email from him. he just returned from a holiday in crete. he thinks all the ladies are looking for a man who camps and grows vegetables. i am tempted to write him back and say, 'look deeper. deeeeeeeeper.' i shall remain silent, though."
"there is no semester, no summer break, no grading periods. we just are here for MEH amount of time."
"dangit, eaton, now i'm craving tots!!!"
"this is ironic coming from someone who danced to 'man in the mirror' wearing a white spangled glove."
"i like that we independently both arrived at the solution that what this summer needed was a road trip with a man of ambiguous relationship standing."
"can i just say i am unreasonably pissed that these people in my office are using office email to plan a happy hour next week?"
"wow. i just realized how bad it looked that i was pissed about a HAPPY hour."
"i think the marriage will be work, primarily because they don’t know each other at all."
"everyone deserves to be happy."
“omg. we're thirty. we should be starting to heal by now.“
"the cats have been exceedingly horny tonight."
"i love the 80s... and i mean that's not just a show for me, it's a lifestyle."
"i don't even know when i stumble across a piece of gold, i'm just that good."
"that beiber fever is the best VD in the world."
"i would never go out with her. she's been out with too many people i hate."
"i don't really like drinking my drinks through a forest."
"i feel like we're in a sarah mclachlan video."
"baby, can i ask you what is sexier than a coney dog by candlelight?"
"nooooo! and yet somehow, gazing up through a cloud of mosquitoes at the michigan night sky, i knew it would come to this."
"i'm dying to hear more about your summer romance. and your hair."
"at risk of being creepy... i really like his chest hair."
"what i’m feeling right now is equivalent to a female dog in heat. just with food..."
"i have never been to wisconsin. i imagine tall cheese trees growing in lush fields, and the roads paved with green bay packers tickets."
"antioch is to the right and zion is to the left and we're trying to get to wisconsin. somewhere we may have taken a wrong turn."
"i’ve lost my pregnant sass."
"i'm thinking the gun needs to be over the bed too. that might be somewhat threatening should anyone other than me sleep there, but it makes the right statement. well, if ENTER AT YOUR OWN PERIL is the statement i want to make."
"if you OWN a viking hat, and you are ATTENDING medieval times, the combination of the two is inevitable and necessary."
"never mind that i've posted a zillion pictures online that would appall my mother to no end, it seemed somehow more controversial to publicly comment on your child's dick."
"i hope you feel armed with Possibility."
"it was so bad that i took a mini nap in my pump room, and used a bag of maxi pads as a pillow."
"the illinois holocaust museum? i didn't know they had a holocaust in illinois."
"i am your anger and i am not happy."
"is that the sun?"
"what does it say about me that i've been to both medieval times and stars on ice in the last three months?"
"so, last night i brought a lesbian home..."
"ohmygosh, that paraplegic is smoking a cigarette."
"it's a little bit slippery with the chicken grease..."
"and on the left is the olde schaumberg brand new development."
"let's not tell her about what's in the trunk."