08 April 2008

44 shagging


i have this white shag rug. which is a pretty damn stupid thing to set adrift in a household of women molting tendrils of raven hair. but alas. i have this white shag rug.

for a long long while, i've loved the white shag rug. because the white shag rug was an impulse buy back in the days before i had a cat, when i couldn't have a cat, and when an excessively fuzzy rug seemed an acceptable substitute for a cat. but those days are long gone, God-willing, never to return. and i can't help but wonder if perhaps even the days of the white shag rug are passing.

having sensed that its twilight years have come, the white shag rug began acting out. naturally it would do so just prior to the commencement of the rinse cycle, easing into its dotage by becoming irrevocably unbalanced in the washing machine. sitting there, stubbornly unspinable after having absorbed (sometimes only that word will do) every single stupid drop of soapy water into its shaggy mass.

there's a funny story here. a long drawn out tale of precisely how i hoisted a 500 pound, sopping wet furry rug up four flights of stairs leaving a torrent of water in our wake. but that story will have to wait. it's a little too fresh. my muscles still a little too sore for a lighthearted recounting.

suffice it to say, few people know what it feels like to bathe a filthy, catatonic polar bear in a bathtub.

i do.

44 comments:

Meggie said...

I ate my comment... It might have been because of all the profanity.

That seriously looks like poo in your bathtub. I kept on trying to figure out why you blogged about poo.

Unknown said...

grossest picture ever. i mean, there's gross, there's the word "moist," and then there's that picture.

that said...i still want you.

Clark MF Price said...

It reminds me of Patrick Bateman and the sewer rat that he caught.

Bateman.Batman.Bateman.Batman.Bateman.Batman.

s.h.e. said...

the pic looks less like a white rug, and more like the remnants of that big ass bunny a few blogs back. in my mind of minds, i imagine that you somehow became a proud owner of said hare and accidentally drowned it. poor wabbit.

oline said...

so maybe it's time to kill the white shag rug?

s.h.e. said...

i'd say it's already been done.

Les Savy Ferd said...

BLECH.
i mean, ick. to the max.
(thanks for feeding the beasts tonight btw)
grossness fer sure.
a big mess o' mess.
(also, i'm not sure if croftie and I are retarded or something but Alias sucks. s.u.c.k.s. so bad. hard to follow and unlikable characters to the point where pointless recaps are inserted as viable episodes and still don't help much)
icky ucky goo.
(hey, when is How i Met Your Mother Night Round Two: this Time's its for the crofts staying later than 8:30!)
i've seen some gross things in my day but that takes the onion cake.

oline said...

sorry to have offended everyone's delicate sensibilities. what a crowd of squeamish pansies!

(you're welcome. or as the office illiterates write, "your welcome.")

(blasphemer! perhaps you're just overdazzled by the serial cliff-hanger aspect. surely it can't be that you don't buy into the rambaldi mess?)

(soon. very soon. april 25?)

Linda said...

:fans self over jeremy's 'i want you' comment:

s.h.e. said...

seems like you may be trading one shag in for another.

Linda said...

NIIIICE!!

oline said...

i don't know that i like the direction this is heading...

Linda said...

Would you rather we go back to talking about the fluffy poop in your bathtub?

Unknown said...

is it okay that this new direction pleases a boy greatly? or will that just lead to more fanning of overheated selves?

oline said...

that, my dear, is not the slightest bit surprising.

Meggie said...

Hmm... So, the boy gets excited over a bunch of women talking about him over the internet? Interesting...

oline said...

you know S isn't a woman, right?

s.h.e. said...

yep, i still got a tallywacker.

oline said...

that's what we're calling it these days?

s.h.e. said...

well, i didn't want to say penis, man-tool, cock, dick, pecker, dipstick, peepee, third leg, or anything else that was a little obscene/ridiculous. i thought this was a pg-rated site. tallywacker had a nice ring to it. admit it, you got a little chuckle out of it.

oline said...

that was very george carlin of you.

s.h.e. said...

who knew that a post about a worn out, beaten down, shagged out rug would get to this point? it's like one big freudian slip gettin' down to business.
how does that make you FEEL?

oline said...

you know i don't think of these things. i'm an innocent angel.

and how do i FEEL? how do i FEEL? how do You FEEL?

s.h.e. said...

i FEEL fantastic. but, really, how do you FEEL?

oline said...

dear You, i FEEL that it's very funny that after all these years of working on my FEELings, "how do you FEEL?" still has the capacity to annoy the hell out of me.

s.h.e. said...

dear you,
you realize now your comment begs the question,"and why does that make you FEEL that way?"why are you so afraid to discuss your FEELings? we're all friends here. embrace us so we can embrace you. i'm here for you, can't you see?
love,
me

oline said...

i FEEL that You are very bored at work. and i FEEL this may very well be the day little old me kills xtina. grrrrrrrrrrr. how's that for FEELings?

s.h.e. said...

that was very brave. good job. kill the xtina. anger is a very healthy emotion.
as for me, i'm not so much bored as i am stuck in a rut with trying to translate a very verbose writer's script into something visual. this is keeping me from lashing out and killing him. other than that, i'm still fantastic.

now, after the whole "FEELings" exchange, it seems appropriate to ask the question, "who's on first?"

oline said...

no, no. who's on second.

s.h.e. said...

no. you're wrong. who's on first.

oline said...

this reminds me of our award-winning watson & sherlock are dead!

s.h.e. said...

but this is far more elementary, don't you think?

oline said...

yes, my dear watson.

s.h.e. said...

the end.

what do you say we fill up your most recent blog entry with comments?

oline said...

oh, so you've moved on...

Meggie said...

SHE is Steven, isn't it? I was talking about Wearamee

oline said...

yes, SHE is steven. but since SHE (he) was engaged in the talking, it looked as though he (SHE) was being lumped in with the women to whom you were referring.

we have some major sexual confusion here...

Meggie said...

Ok, what is Steven's middle name? 'Cause all that is coming to me is "Herbert" and that would just be unfortunate.

s.h.e. said...

unfortunate?! herbert is an upstanding name. there have been many celebrated herberts throughout the ages. sure, it's an odd name. however, i feel that my initials spelling "she" is tad more embarrassing. as you see, though, i've embraced it. thank god for "that's what she said" jokes.

that's the end of my diatribe. thank you.

Linda said...

go get'em, she!

s.h.e. said...

grrr... i'm feisty!

Meggie said...

Haha! It is herbert!!! That was my 80 year old neighbor's name.

s.h.e. said...

*shrugs shoulders* well, we can't all be blessed with names like "michie."


;)

Meggie said...

And that is my new middle name!!! I was so excited to marry someone with a normal last name that people can actually pronounce!!!