29 February 2008
0 february: a revue
"it seems, on days like these, stock in kleenex wouldn't be a bad idea."
"frick'n people. i hate them."
"i wish i could get married every year, so you don't have to just have One dress. nevermind the huge ceremony and the reception and all that shit. just give me the chance to wear a wedding dress every year! evan can wear this one pair of wool pants that he looks totally hot in, and we can just go get married on a beach every year... good thing I'm not rich. i would be stupid with extra money."
"known for their chocolate and watches, the swiss are a kind people... and timely."
"did i mention how much i hate people?"
"there's good sweaty sex and bad sweaty sex and bad sweaty sex is when the sweat drips from your face and onto the person you're sexing."
"you don't remember that kid from high school? samuel... samuel powers?"
"no, i don't. because that was screech from saved by the bell."
"if you did that, then you feel guilty about being the evil bitch that you are, but you didn't do that so you're not an evil bitch."
"any relationship where you have to bring other people into the bedroom to make it better is probably not a good thing."
"as someone who knows about the movie industry, it was very difficult watching an entire movie about vhs tapes."
"i do not advise sex on a chair that has a broken leg- and it's especially bad if you're on a balcony."
"so it was a really lovely night except for the part when i thought my husband was missing."
"some women are juicier than others."
"did you get a tan?"
"no. i got windburn."
"she is grinding my woes into me. can you ask her to leave?"
"so i was watching the tudors and i made the shocking discovery that a show entirely about bed hopping and graphic sex is really not as interesting as one would think it would be."
"it's really hard to say in an email 'hey, motherfuckers! give me the business!'"
"theraflu is nasty. it's like it wants to be lemonade, but it still has a little evil mixed in."
"just keep doing what you're doing. unless what you're doing is having sex, in which case please stop."
"did you get a penis enlargement ad too?"
"um...no. my coffee was cold."
"there's a fine line between asshole and cattle auction."
"i'll pick your cotton."