31 August 2007

9 in a little while

i've never been in therapy, but i've been to the optometrist.

for seven years, my optometrist has kept a record of my life that extends far beyond myopia and into my romantic endeavors. i don't know why. i just know this is how it has always been.

thus, my medical chart is a minefield of romantic disaster, riddled with notations like "wants to be in high school" and "really liked boys." i kind of sort of dreaded going to the optometrist today, because i was going to have to admit that he was right last year and we would officially enter into my medical records that the douche "went away."

after making this notation the optometrist glanced at my paperwork and looked me in the eyes he had yet to examine. "according to your chart," he said, in a slow soft voice- softened further by a cold that had earlier prompted some exceedingly inappropriate smooching jokes-"you have a hard time being single."

as i sat poised before the autorefractor, this seemed a most extraordinary revelation.

"but, you know, i have hope," he went on, as he typed this year's diagnosis into my chart: single for a little while. fabulous forever.

9 comments:

Linda said...

It is amazing how many random people are obsessed with your love life.

Meggie said...

Um, is he cute and young and single? Cause both Mike and I think he likes you. Go for it! Get a piece of ass!

oline said...

um...no, megs. the eye doc is not a potential.

Linda said...

It is even physically possible to get a piece of ass while said ass is examining your eyes?

oline said...

oh lindear, you can always be counted on for the really really important questions.

Meggie said...

I think if the optometrist was *really* talented, it would be possible. The problem would be more with Caro... Could Caro focus on her backwards E while getting the orgasm of her life?

oline said...

MEGGIE!!! i am horrorfied. did i mention that the eye doc is 40 and married with 2 kids? thus rendering this a wholly inappropriate line of commentary. by the by- i miss you.

Meggie said...

I miss you too!!! I have stories of how according to the monster-in-law, our lack of relationship is my fault because I'm "unfriendly, impersonable, and do not make an effort". And here's the kicker: that was their tactic to get me to come down to AL to visit them while Mike is deployed!! Yeah, now I'm more determined that I'm not going down!

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