14 November 2006

14 you can never go down the drain


my biggest kid-crush was mr. rogers. i loved that man. i loved everything about him- from his sweaters to his hypnotic voice. my parents hated everything about him- especially his sweaters and his hypnotic voice.

mr. rogers had this song that allayed all my childhood fears about going down the drain. because while i didn't suspect that i could go down the drain in my entirety in one big swoosh, it seemed quite logical that a rogue toe could fit through. or that a lock of the oline hair might get caught up in the swirl and suck my whole silly head down with it.

so i had some worries. but mr. rogers calmed them. he sang, you can never go down, you can never go down, you can never go down the drain! and i believed him.

which is why it was a rather stunning twist of events last night when i actually wanted to go down the drain. because nothing was going down the drain. not me, not water, not draino, not squat.

somewhere along the way, the drain went on strike. in the aftermath, it's been like showering in a wading pool. participants in the Let's All Go See Oline Before It Gets Stoopid Ridiculous Cold Up There In That Freezy Winter Wonderland In Which She Has Chosen To Dwell-O-Rama can attest to this.

much like standing in the hull of sinking ship, one grows increasingly aware of the rising tides. by the time of conditioning, one is ankle-deep in water. stay much longer and death by dirty waters would ensue.

clearly, this is intolerable. so last night, i- a girl who abhors cleaning bathrooms, entering bathrooms, talking in bathrooms, seeing other people exit bathrooms and bathroom humor- went to war with my bathroom.

i went to war and i won. there were vigorous celebrations. the veive was tossed in the air a couple times. we donned silly hats and threw a dance party and fell into bed at half past three.

this morning, bleery-eyed from the revelries, i stumbled into the shower and nearly banged my face on those damn plants. recovered but dazed, i turned on the water. a flash flood.

my man rogers forgot to mention, the drain always wins.

14 comments:

Linda said...

Does this call for the return of pool shoes?

oline said...

quite possibly. or flippers.

Linda said...

Personally, I'd rather bring back a pointless item from the 90's than use a for-reals justified flipper.

nick said...

i'm bringing me some stilts!

oline said...

ok, lindear. you are at liberty to bring back the pointless 90s item. we can add those to the OHTAGFTEOTBU&CC line.

n, be sure to have me pay closer attention to the "how your plumbing works" exhibit at the science & industry museum. the lindears and i failed to take notes. in the meantime, stilts would be wise.

Linda said...

we sure did miss out on the needed info, didn't we? I think I was too fascinated with all the buttons we could push.

oline said...

that thing was quite the modern marvel, which sounds absurd since it was so obviously constructed in 1952.

Bombsy said...

We ladies of the long hair have to suffer through the occassional flood. Small price to pay, really.

Les Savy Ferd said...

yeah, we got a little of thst going on at chez Pirate. Pray tell what was your secret?

By the by I'm about 125 into the fergie you lent me. Blood has been spilt but why won't they come? Why won't they come?

oline said...

i know this is terribly naive, but i like to flatter myself that i am not a hairy beast and that la petit maison de oh!-'lighn simply has a serious case of crap plumbing.

"thst," pirate?! awesome! and are you liking thst fergie i have lent you? if i recall correctly, they do come. kind of. feebly.

Bombsy said...

I'm not saying you're a beast, i'm saying sometimes long hair makes for plumbing problems.
Oh nevermind.

Meggie said...

Bombsie, I agree with you as one who has hair almost to my waist now. It just clogs the stupid drain and there is no way around it.

Caro, here is my advice: buy the Draino or Liquid Plumber gel. Put way more than it suggests down the drain and let it set for about fifteen minutes. Add more and let that sit for about another ten minutes. And then run the hot water. It should run straight down for at least 3-4 weeks before you'll build up another clog.

And it's not that you are a hairy beast. It's 'cause we have long hair and crap plumbing.

oline said...

so maybe this was not the appropriate audience for flippant hairy beast remarks!

nick said...

as a shorn & short-haired lad, these problems are oh so foreign to me. oh, and that picture of mr. rogers is wonderful.