16 November 2006

13 bang! bang! rock 'n roll!

bombsy and i don't half-ass things. we go all the way. so when it came time to get our hairs cut after months and months of abstinence, we made it an EVENT.

we dined. we refilled our drinks. we got on the wrong bus to go a block and a half up the wrong street. we set off the alarm when i tried to prematurely disembark from the wrong bus. we walked a block and a half on the right street, cursing the freezing cold. swearing that we could not go any further, conveniently just as we reached the bombshell salon's stoop.

my hair hasn't been cut since last january. so obviously my first thought was bangs! on monday, i saw a photograph of nicole richie. nicole richie had the bangs of my dreams.

now, no self-respecting person can go into a salon and ask to look like nicole richie. i know this. alas, i was mistaken for ashlee simpson not seven days ago, so asking to look like nicole richie doesn't seem such a distance to fall. it would obviously be far worse had the same request been made at a gym or colonic spa.

i proudly handed my photograph of nicole richie's bangs to lance. to prove my unashamedness, i even chimed in to say that's nicole richie, as though there were any other woman who could be carrying a siamese cat that looked ten pounds heavier than her.

the bombshell and i had a post-cut date to watch camilla & charles: whatever love means. we shouted this fact from the sinks of the bombshell salon, over the roar of the water and the snips of the scissors. there was no one present who did not know we were on our way to a rendezvous with camilla & charles: whatever love means. the woman who ran our credit cards and who was in our presence for a mere minute and a half couldn't help but exclaim, you girls are CAHRAZY!

because we were. we giggled all the way up halsted. we made a display of ourselves getting treats in that damn CVS that never has anything you need and everything you'd never want. we created a spectacle all the way down fullerton and over to orchard and up bombsoline street in the rosy glow of anticipation.

and still, there are no words for camilla & charles: whatever love means. it's bloody groundbreaking, riveting, entirely frivilous entertainment. dana knows. bombsy knows. croftie very soon will. it just can't be conveyed. you have to experience it. and then you know.

i've tried to tell my mum. repeatedly, i've tried. tonight, in the post-glow, i said, you don't understand. you don't get it. they had to wait twenty years. they were only right for each other and they couldn't be together. they were so in love.

my mum paused half a beat and said, whatever that means. i blew nicole richie's bangs from my eyes (because that's still a small thrill) and sighed, you just don't know, mummy. you just don't know.


Meggie said...

I expect pictures of the Nicole Richie bangs... And I'll send pictures of the latest hair color (and military ball pictures). Oh, btw... Check your email for the latest sweet nothings whispered into ears. It's sweetly divine.

oline said...

meggie love, i have checked my email and read the sweet nothings. bravo, boy. bravo. and since it's looking like we might be doing a photogenic thing or two this weekend, will provide you with a picture of the nicole richie bangs that isn't an extreme closeup in which i'm making devil eyes.

nick said...

i want bang pics, too. we gots to see the bombsy doo, too. hotness.

Meggie said...

Here's my proposal Caro (and sorry Nickie) but suspense is awesome. It tortures the boy and provides giggles for us. Mike has no idea what the dress is (and frankly, the peacock comment has scared him that there are feathers all over it) and it's cracking me up.

So, no publicly posted bang pics! I propose suspense! But you are still to email pics to me b/c I'm your soulmate.

oline said...

i think it will be inevitable that if anything photogenic happens this weekend, the nicole richie bangs will be involved so that might be a toughie, meggie. and our lives already have quite enough suspense!

in the meantime, let's ponder how totally rock 'n roll my right freakish witchy brow is here. the right half was so partied out it didn't even bother to show up.

Bombsy said...

Ohguuuurrrrllll...I am still basking in the divine girl glow that was last night. Coiffure, chocolate and unrequited love. Yup. That just about sums it up. And by "it" I do mean "everything". I had to laugh out loud remembering that we did in fact shout our C&C plans from the sink.
Y'all readers out there- Caroline's bangs are really fabulous.

oline said...

it was so a "divine girl glow"- what a perfect phrase.

and, fellow readers, after taking the tour of the bomby's haircut and witnessing the demonstration of how its contours lay upon different sweeps of the hand, i can honestly say that though my bangs may be fabulous, they are not nearly the work of art that is the bombshell's mane.

Linda said...

Well, I am totally curious about bombsy's hair too.

Bombsy said...

Aw, you guys...it's really not THAT great. I went in with a big tangled red mess and came out with a streamlined red mess.
I maintain Caroline's bangs were the greatest accomplishment of the evening. Oh, except for finding Charles a bride.

oline said...

ooh. bombsy, i'd forgotten about the moment when you thought i'd never been kissed. hilarious!

and the bombsy's hair was indeed fabulamous. it falls in oh so many ways, all of which i can narrate.

nick said...

going back a few blogments.. yes really. i have to know who i'm looking for at midway. enough suspense, already!

Les Savy Ferd said...

so much to say:

a) best title of the year for an Oline article. And I'm not sure I even like art brut anymore.

b) did being mistaken for a simpson shake you up that badly that you need a follicular re-alignment?

c) this doesn't really pertain to your post but I just had the single most disgusting lunch I have ever consumed. This is why I should never be allowed to eat alone, or be single, ever again. Ahem:

1 bowl of ramen (chicken 'flavored')
1 glass of Mt Dew (tall)
too many cheez-its to count
1 pack of halloween fun-size skittles.

If I am still alive in 20 minutes I'm pretty sure I'll make it through the day. Getting touch'n'go here folks. Must. Press. on.

oline said...

dear LG, i thought we covered this already! you know i'm oline in another city (san fran). the pirate? the bombshell? croftie? my imaginary san franciscan friends who all happen to have fake myspace pages and faux blogs. it's a many-years-long hoax (barnum would be proud) in which MiddleSchoolOline thought it would be fun to kill fifteen or so years messing with the mind of lindear's three-doors-down eight-grade dance date by writing plays about him on the school bus and then magically "refinding" him a decade later so she could string him along to pad her already awesome musical collection with new britpoppy tunes and give him something to write about after Jesus is done.

(but i jest... kind of. you'll see them.)

a) how can we have the awesome DOC-weekend-o-rama if you have done gone and kilt yourself on raman and cheezits?

b) being mistaken as ashlee simpson shook me up enough that i had no shame in asking for folicular realignment in the mode of an equally notorious personage.

c) there must have been some catacylsmic realignment (word of the day) at pitchfork, where your art brut liking was extracted and put into the silly head of the oline. they're not the best, but they have their moments. we formed a band?! captain obvious at his most bestest.

and i'm spent...