"i'm not ready. i have no makeup on... and now my zucchini's aflame!"
I: the pink fan
lindear got married last summer and because there was some bridal party drama, i surprised her with a bag of happys, one of which was a pink feathered "my pretty princess" fan. because there are very few excuses in life after the age of ten for purchasing such things, i got two. lindear's was incorporated into newlywed foreplay. mine sat on a bookshelf collecting dust. with the move, it relocated to a kitchen hook because it was pretty and matched the mixing bowls.
II: the zucchini
i've been living on zucchini for the past three hell weeks (because it's cheap and not pb&j). zucchini and parmesian cheese. zucchini and pasta. zucchini and whatever. it's fabulous. and whatever way it's done, an integral part of the preparation is sauteeing.
III: the fire detector
the fire detector is located ridiculously close to the kitchen (albeit in a one room apartment there are few places that aren't ridiculously close to the kitchen) so if any heat source is turned on, the detector imagines flames and goes wild. this happens a minimum of five times during the preparation of any given batch of zucchini.
IV: the meeting of the thrain
invariably, the end result is me, usually with implausible hair and in a revolutionary outfit, standing on tiptoe in a smoke-filled room beneath a screeching fire detector waving a pink feathered fan wildly about in the air to the cocophany of zucchini snapping, crackling, and popping on the stove.