today, i got in a fight with my parents because they took their masks off in church. which surfaced the deeper truth that i do not trust church to keep anyone safe.
so that's fun.
i called a family meeting. they came. we talked emotional dynamics and came up with two new phrases for the familect.
i'm coming in hot.
fire in the hole!
yesterday, it was four months since a man raped me.
these events are maybe not unrelated.
i'm texting him again.
do i feel shame? i don't think so. i think i recognize it for the coping mechanism that it is and i am ok with how i am coping.
this afternoon, as a very round-about way of getting to the grocery store, i walked down to lafayette square. a guy i went on date with in march had texted that they've opened up the park.
and, yo, lookit.
The mouse enters the cage to take a bite. No sooner does he touch the morsel with his teeth, than the trip wire releases the door and it slams shut behind him, before he can turn his head.
It takes a mouse several hours to realise that he is a prisoner, unhurt, in a cage measuring 18cm. by 9cm. After that, something in him never stops trembling.