0 this morning, i loaded on the eyeliner for no reason. sometimes it's like you just know when.

07 DECEMBER 2011

3december 7th

yes,
1. ovan was a first-wave hipster
2. there is a zit directly between my eyes
3. everyone looks this sweaty
in mississippi in december

six years ago today on this day in oline history, in the middle of the rogue wave concert, donovan and i broke up. which was a big, huge thing because it was the thing that brought me here.

donovan is very, very sick. i don't know what to do with this and so i do nothing.

this is my clearest memory, the moment that keeps coming back... it was three years before all that, senior year of college, the friday before christmas break. we were just friends.

he'd been partying all night at the house of people i did not know. early on, he fell and scraped his back and, the rest of the night, there were puns about bactine.

i'd pulled a closing shift at applebee's and went to the party after work. i arrived around 1 a.m., wearing a brand new, painfully preppy outfit from j.crew of which i was terribly proud.

he was standing on the porch and maybe six beers in. he put down his pbr and came toward me like a magnet. taking my face in his hands, he kissed my forehead and then both cheeks and said, "oh, my oline, you've such beautiful tip eyes."

he looked so terribly young then (we are still so terribly young now), as he complimented the eye make-up i wore to make money.