31 January 2014

0 january: a revue

"not even candelight can make this better."

'what is wrong with men?!'
'i don't know... that's why we have to date boys.'

'i don't have to go to therapy to learn how to love an asshole.'

'otherwise today my life was very good it's just my hair wouldn't cooperate.'

'the dead people thing made no sense, you are correct. also, the sex workers seemingly came out of nowhere!'

'i had a wonderful day working by myself in my house. i could eat what i wanted, fart when i wanted to, and pump breastmilk right in front of the computer.'

"i feel like it's just downhill from there unless he can convince them to let him be baby jesus next year."

'you were the first person i knew who ever ate at a chipotle.'

'i really do miss my days of leisure.'

'i will say a prayer for your nose and your butt.'

''YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO ZEN!!!! boom. i’m practically a doctor.'

'steven with the ipad and the butler in the car!'
'my god, it's like clue!'

'that's chivalry at its coldest.'

'it was this really fucked up muppet babies situation...'

'the skirt that makes everyone ask "how much?"'

'you can't look up at the limbs and down at the poop at the same time.'

'that is the biggest gun i've ever seen and i'm from chicago: land of guns.'

'this new information that we have woven together from old facts has cast things in an illuminating new light...'

'coco et henri!'
'it sounds like a fucked up dish.'
'we are a fucked up dish.'
'yeah, we're definitely dessert before supper.'

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