30 June 2013

0 june: a revue

'he’s one of those subtle alcoholics where you can barely tell he’s drunk — except for all the SCREAMING and the SMASHING and the RAGING. seriously, are his drinks also laced with anabolic steroids?'

'i am taking my entertainment future in my own hands.'

'please delete this email immediately! when work hacks into your mail and writes the story of our life, i don't want there to be a chapter on my loose stools!'


'your ankles are crying.'

'i feel like my delay in marraige is allowing the wedding dress technology to catch up to what i need.'

'dating yourself! go to movies when you want! take yourself to a nice dinner! enjoy the company of you! that is so bad-ass.'

'it's always my goal to stay as sober as the soberest person i'm with.'

'this cauldroning is no joke!'

'fruit does not turn into doughnuts in my mouth!'

'you guys could have adorable pale babies together.'

'knock that stuff out and continue with the progress that is Your Life. '

'i applaud your being OUT THERE!'

'about the engagement and pregnancy of jennifer love hewitt...i feel like i have lost a competition or something '

'the easy jet. what would your mother say...'

'i liked the girl all right, but she REALLLLLY liked tim tebow. he needs to quit finding such hardcore republicans. his sense of humor is much too filthy for a conservative girl.'

"let's not ever make that our move, k?"

'you’d think i’d remember the details about the event that had me opinionated to the point of wanting you to look like captain caveman.'

'is this why people go to makeup counters instead of walgreens?'

'and i've completely lost track of j.simp...'

'possibly because it looks like he is unleashing upon her a urine stream of hearts.'

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