23 March 2013

0 things i have learned this weekend

never ever try to connect what you're working with to 9/11. 

even if it makes sense. even if it's valid. even if it totally illuminates everything. 


because it has always been arduous to write about jackie as i want to write about her. it has always been like extracting teeth. throw 9/11 into that mix and it becomes a way worse intolerable horror ramped up to an entirely new unspeakably awful degree. 

i've spent the past week trying to forge this jackie's modern significance/9/11 connection and now that it's been solidly forged in my brain, now that debo's gung-ho, i wish it were something that could be unseen.

yesterday, over burgers, i actually asked k.smartt: do you think we forgot about 9/11 too soon? sometimes i just feel like that week of R.E.M. videos on VH1 wasn't enough.

for reals. 

you guys, no one wants to eat burgers with That Girl.

but this jackie/9/11 connection is like that damn dolphin in that poster made by all those tiny pictures of al gore. once you've seen it, you can't unsee. 

this is the incredibly sucky thing about writing: once you know what you're meant to write, you have to find a way to fucking write it down. even if it's awful. even if it hurts. you have to extract the awful from your head and confine it to the page in such a way that the reader, blinded by its beauty, experiences only a fraction of the hurt you inflicted upon yourself in getting it there. 

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