31 October 2012

0 october: a revue

"oy. so many fecal samples."

"duh, grieving!"

"you're just like, 'fuck the world, i'm wearing a beard!'"

"i was like, 'you're putting miscellaneous parts for other vehicles in my car?'"

"the boom at the end screams douchebag."

"i was briefly confused (excited? horrified?) earlier today in the potty."

"it's amazing how something so incomprehensible can suddenly make so much sense after 8 attempts."

"often brilliant. with giant hair and big boobs."

"he's like a puppy, with big muscles."

"what a delicious thing to craft together."

"this is disgusting. and, of course, intriguing."

"do you remember at this festival thing that franklin had every year that there was an area where the kids could go and get wrapped up like they were injured in the war of northern aggression??? you could go in and pick what body part was horribly injured, they would wrap it up in gauze, and then squirt red water on it to make it look like you were bleeding horribly."

"stylistically, it looks like a levi’s commercial."

"i want sunshine and my prosciutto sandwich of glory."

"truth bomb: water conservation matters."

"i believe in our ability to eat good food."

"the treatment is to take cortisone and eat lemons."

"i'm clearly not cut out for the circus."

"tell me more about the semi-automatics. way, way hot!"

"follow your flu shot heart."

"there are only rooms for so many dreams within a 3 year old’s head."

"is it bad that the hair swaps are pretty much the defining moments coming out of these debates?"

"i mean, from one of the most historic museums in oklahoma, all i can remember is the buffalo who eats your trash."

"we're in a house in the middle of nowhere and we just saw a man in an unnatural position in a crashed car..."
"your dad has a lot of guns."
"but he didn't even come out of the house when we got home!"

"one-way sounds so official."

"i will not do Oral Reading with an ill man."

"i was ENTIRELY too relieved that bristol palin got sent home from DWTS last night. like, “faith restored in humanity” kind of relief."

"it is supposed to get cooooold this weekend too. (i realize that sounds absolutely wussy when i tell this to someone who lives near lake michigan.)"

"i tried a “breakfast for dinner meal” last night, making gluten free sweet potato pancakes. more like gluten free sweet potato crash and burn!"

"i, in contrast, bought pumpkin pancake mix for pancakes that i did not make."

"how do you have such regular access to cabins?"

"bright side.. i’m not bloaty today!"

"stuff it with… quinoa? TBD."

"my fridge is all kinds of baraked."

"i'm like a junkie going back to the junk."

"how is it 2012, and they do not make black band aids???"

"he looks a little douchey but i'd make out with him."

"lady that was a man with a mullet is reading at the bar."

"i failed as a woman in that pool that day."

"as soon as you offer to serve me food... we are not sleeping together."

"how swarthy is your child?"

" we may gather walnuts tonight! doesn’t that sound dreamy???"

"ARE there bountys in my house?"

"in other news, I am wearing The Lipstick today, mostly because i slept poorly, and am hoping fire engine red lips will mask the tired."

"i am supes envious of your pound puppies."

"hell's bells, we're old."

"mariah carey, my weave is better than yours."

No comments: