29 May 2012

1 paris

i came to paris three years ago. with my mother and aunt, and in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. a bad one. as they all are.

and i don't remember much about that trip beyond the moment i've written about before (here and here), where my mother and my aunt and i stood atop the tour de montparnasse watching the eiffel tower sparkle and i was so adamant that everyone stop and pay attention and enjoy the moment because we would never again be as we were then.

my mother and i are in paris. we are not as we were then.

what i'm struck by is this: in the winter of 2007, i bought a diane von furstenburg leopard print suitcase for $49.99 from t.j. maxx. that luggage was intended for all the weekends i would be spending with the boy who later broke up with me. the boy who lived in north carolina.

i bought that luggage expecting weekends in north carolina. weeks in paris (never mind layovers in warsaw, nights in berlin and trains to prague) were beyond my wildest dreams.

you should read THIS, to which i say amen.

0 :) :) :) :)


22 May 2012

0 so what do we think of this?


my immediate thoughts:
everything is so bright!
leo is very red.
what is up with the u2 cover?

0 NATO is in town

the increased security presence at walgreen's is reassuring.
our cellophane wrapped fruit will not be harmed.

21 May 2012

5 on being oline


at the biographer's conference in cali this weekend, i was forced to confront my massive name confusion of last year. remember that time? when i tried to be faith and it was a big fat fail until jmills spoke some harsh words and slapped some sense into me? and now, i've been online eaton ever since... oh, pardon me, oleeeeen eaton. no, wait. 

hi, i'm oline. 

confusion reigned in cali! on the program, i was oline. in the membership directory, i was faith. in my profile, my twitter handle was mistyped as "online". and, every time she saw me, my dear chicago biographer friend would exclaim with wild abandon: "OHHHHLEEEEEEN!" usually, maybe just half a second after i'd finished explaining to someone that it was properly pronounced "oh!-'lighn." 

but i think maybe the greatest moment of the conference by far was when i introduced myself to the pulitzer-prize winner who read the weird thing on jackie, though our only in-person interaction with her had been the observation that there should be more stalls in the women's restroom at the national press club

i went up to her, name-dropped jackie, and introduced myself. and the pulitzer-prize winner said this: "oh my god! you're so young! based on your name, i'd pictured an older european woman, possibly an italian."


1 excitement.

the change is monumental. last year, in DC, when i said i was writing about jackie, two people literally rolled their eyes. 365 days later, on the 18th anniversary of her death, i'm in LA, and people are excited. like, visibly excited. which excites me.


16 May 2012

0 sigh.


0 biographers love to talk about process


in 8 days, i leave for paris. in 14 days, i will be delivering a paper, the title of which contains the following words (presented here in no order): “adventure”, “stardom”, “tabloid”, “feminism”, “narrative”, journey”, “the NEW woman”, “via”, “jackie onassis”.
i know, i know. you’re buying your tickets to paris pronto. you’re there with bells. because this adventure stardom tabloid feminism narrative journey NEW woman train is obviously something you do not want to miss. you want to ride that, am i right?
man, i will give it to you. because, for all the years i’ve been speaking about sex toboggans, for the first time i have legitimately steered mine down a perilous run. paper-wise. {continue reading}

0 jmills + in-n-out + photobooth ap = almost rainbo in cali






15 May 2012

2 oh yeah

on this day in history, meggie was borned.
an event for which i am grateful.


1 done. (ie. things written before my finger was broken)


in october 2006, the lindears came to town and we went to the austrian bakery, where i encountered "michael's weekend special" for the first time.

"michael's weekend special" was essentially a double doozie made out of a chocolate iced donut. so, chocolate icing, layer of donut, shit-ton of cream filling, layer of donut. YUM.

except i didn't get it. because there was only one and while we were all "um... what IS
michael's weekend special'?", the people in front of us ordered it so we never had a chance to find out.

debo was in town a million weekends ago but i'm only just getting to posting this. only just getting to writing about how, after The Pizza and the nature museum, we went to the austrian bakery and there it was. "michael's weekend special."

there was just one and there was a dude in front of us and i was quaking in my boots for fear that this was something michael only made in limited quantity for one weekend every six years and this dude was going to order it and i'd be denied the chance to eat it once again.

but the pastry gods smiled upon me. and it was good.



1 the marrieds were here

LOVELY.








14 May 2012

4 $9.60


some days i think the plan libby and i hatched in june 1995 to attend the 1996 atlanta olympics by saving a nickel a month is more practical than the notion of ever having jackie done.

a nickle a month, my friends. let me break that down for you.

had we adhered to that plan, by now, 16.5 years later libby and i would've saved 9 freaking dollars and 60 freaking cents. and yet it seems more possible- more doable, even- that we can go back in time and attend the 1996 atlanta olympics together with a mere $9.60 than that i will ever have a book in print.

some days, this is the worst thing ever. but most days, it is the most exciting.


2 sunday in the city

so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,
lovely.



0 “it tells you the name of the horse, the owner, the jockey, the trainer, how well they did in their last few races and everything you need to know to make your pick. or, you can forget about all of this and pick one from out of the air.”



Today, class, ohmygod SO MUCH. we’ve got adults gambling for minors, adults getting pregnant, adults breaking up and adults getting engaged. it’s like adults gone wild over here in the 90210world. but, to get down to brass tacks, we (by which i mean ME) are especially interested in the portrayals of horse racing, teenage overinvolvement in adult love lives and the complications caused by gossip in the classic season 2 90210 episode “and baby makes five.”
so, jackie taylor’s knocked up. a few months have passed since she and mel silver hooked up after he healed the tooth she broke on that crouton from the awesome chicken salad at the beverly hills beach club and they’ve been incandescently happy with one another ever since. but now jackie’s preggers and things are kind of not great.Continue reading 

10 May 2012

0 [enter whineOline]




on monday morning, i fell down the back stairs from my apartment. this was my second fall down these same badly lit stairs in 24 hours, as i had missed a step and came crashing down in a similar fashion the night just before. the only difference was that, the second time, i broke the middle phalanx of my fourth finger, something i realized about thirty minutes into that morning's bikram class. 

(so if you were all whycome the picture parade this week? voila. an explanation.)

that evening, returning from the doctor after a slew of x-rays and an overly aggressive taping up of my broken middle phalanx, i called my mother and whined: MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY, i don't want to be a grown-up. partly because my finger hurt, mostly because my broken finger and i had to go to california the following day.

my mother traveled a lot for work when i was a kid. being a kid, i thought this the most absolute glamorous thing. my father and i would accompany her to the airport and send her off as though she were boarding the titanic. then she would send me a slew of postcards from the exotic places to which she traveled, glittering metropolises like san francisco and birmingham.

on tuesday, traveling for work and realizing- maybe for the first time- that traveling for work is hella not glamorous and very not even fun, i texted my mother: "you made traveling seem so glamorous when i was a kid. i realize now it isn't." in her comically over-professional way (now all the more comical given the auto-correct on her iphone), she wrote back, "no.  it never was. just tiring. live you bitches. DEBORAH."

during the 29 hours i was in california, jmills and i managed to meet up at an in-n-out equidistant to orange and rancho cucamonga (auto center drive, fyi). this is the main advantage of going to california- it that means my friendship with jmills feels less like a friendship separated by half a country and more like a long-distance love affair in which we regularly commute. 

at the in-n-out over burgers and strawberry shakes, jmills asked how life was and i boiled it down to this: "broken finger and california." i was being a total sassypants but, upon returning to chicago and getting assigned to yet another california trip, i realized my sassypants summation was not far from the truth. 

it takes a broken middle phalanx four weeks to heal. i'm going to california three times in the month of may. 

wait. let's clarify: three times in a 16 day period. to reduce that further: twice in a period of five days. one of those is a biography thing that i have brought upon myself. the other involves a red eye on the morning of the afternoon that i leave for paris. 

the paris part of that paragraph is glorious. the broken finger and california, not so much.



0 gary


07 May 2012

0 joe



0 deep deep thoughts from the naked lady bar: race, genocide, whale penises and the dewey defeats truman unauthorized library




"somehow, through the window, i misinterpreted you as an african american."

"my backpack is like a whale penis."

"this was a backpack emergency."

"i think it was cheap because of the whale penis."

"woman + child means 'good' or 'likable', but what if you hate women and kids?"

"in this vow, i will argue that the bonds of matrimony..."
"i'm swooning already."
"i assume every MAPH vow has that."
"it's a metanarrative analysis of vows..."
"as derrida said..."

"our love is like a stagnant pool."
"small and green."

"pocket squares have words on them!"

"wait. you think the gold rush people were a great communal experience and the samurais and european crusaders were all sad and alone?"

"i think you were thinking of the ninjas."
"the teenage mutant turtles?"
"no, there were four of them in that sewer."

"all this stuff is happening and i'm just like... CHERRY BLOSSOMS!"

"yeah, doug and lara on pot. that would be interesting."

"with like the teeth and vagina and stuff..."

"first of all, gothic shit is like my favorite ever."

"my guess is no one really did that. in the 19th century novels, it was just a really convenient way to move characters around the world."

"i am so like wow."

"cool, yeah? i learned it in MAPH."

"oh, that's a great horse name."

"can rotund people loom?"

"she said her greatest disappointment in life is that i'm not jewish."
"they like jews in japan?"

"it's weird how complicated genocide can be."
"you can be totally for getting rid of one people and then take a principled stand against the genocide of another people."

"several quotes justifying his actions in large print on a wall. you can see that happening right?"
"well, that's pretty much all a presidential library is."

"the dewey defeats truman unauthorized library..."
"... a pointed critique in building form."