12 January 2012
4 the blue room
i'm three or four and in the blue room of the children's enrichment center located on union avenue in memphis, tennessee. we're lying on the floor. we're supposed to be sleeping. i am the only child awake.
the teacher moves me to lie at her feet and tells me to be quiet. she sits in her chair, humming softly, rocking back and forth. i lie there, watching her chair go back and forth, back and forth.
this is my first memory.
and what i remember is the dark, the chair, the back and forth, and the very great temptation to slip my finger under the rocker. just to see.
i may or may not have done this.
in the memory i did. in the memory i lay there in that blue room, the teacher unknowingly rocking over my finger, again and again, as i bit my lip so i wouldn't scream.
which probably means i didn't do it. that i only laid there, imagining what it would be like if i did.
filed under: o young oline