19 December 2011

0 this is what really fucking sucks


god has got to be enough.

this really fucking sucks because no matter how amazing a christian you are or how much or how hard or how deeply you believe, that is a truth around which it is nearly impossible to wrap one's mind.

god can never be enough. and yet any god worth believing has got to be.

this is the root of my doubts. because, big as my concept of god is, it is really hard to believe god can be enough. that life couldn't be made somehow so much better by a whole host of deeply silly inconsequential other things. that my existence wouldn't be perfect if only i were published in the new yorker, with the man i love, three inches taller and naturally redheaded.

here's the thing i forget, the thing i've got to find a way to remember: so terribly much has happened that, a year ago, wasn't even imaginable.

there is a whole world of wonder in which the possibilities become real. a world where so much is impossible and yet anything can be.

if i am to live in that world, god has got to be enough.


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