i used to be able to get everything done.
in fact, in college, i was that terribly annoying girl who got everything done way early. the girl who habitually wrote her 20-page essays on "women's evolving roles in [insert time period here] [insert nationality here] [insert literary genre here]" a full three weeks before the due date. so i'd have plenty of time to tinker. enough wiggle room to perfect.
i do not do that now. this is a season of imperfection. there is a decided lack of wiggle room.
all of my hopes and dreams are coming true! i'm having the time of my life! that is actually true but it's a palliative of limited worth in face of the overwhelmingness of the everyday. ie. the fact that, by next monday, there's three hours worth of interview questions to be drawn up, two 300+-page good biographies and a 120-page really bad one to be read, a 400-word review to be knock out and a mortified script to be finalized.
i am not in grad school but, suddenly, life is feeling awful maphy.
there was this moment in maph when we realized there was absolutely no way all the assigned reading could be done. this realization is the beginning of wisdom and likely a common ephiphany in humanities programs (and hopefully one never ever experienced by doctors and the people responsible for saving our lives). i could read anna karenina in three days or i could read ten pages of hegel. the russians won every time.
file this under shallow thoughts from captain obvious, but i'm starting to realize that maybe- perish the thought!- life in general is a lot like the maph required reading. a largely incomprehensible mass over which we exert a limited degree of control by identifying the things we aren't ever going to do and picking and choosing between the things we want to do, the things we need to do and the things we absolutely must do because we cannot live with ourselves if we don't.
that is why, in the midst of all of these things that have to be done by monday, there's got to be other things- the really, really important things (omg, synonym for "things" stat!)- like movie night and greasy chinese and high tea on saturday afternoon. this isn't so much a matter of balance as a matter of life.