30 September 2011

1 september: a revue


"i suppose you are a tiny bit of a (much hipper, more stylish) bridget jones. just because you both keep a diary."

"and by 'around the world' i mean 'outside my wireless hotspot'."

"they are in the category of 'fiercely protective of you to the point where objectivity is sometimes lost.' this category has rings of fire on the outside, and warm-baked brownies on the inside."

"there are two exceptions: parents and loyal gay childhood friends."

"all that said, the moral is this: yes, people suck. especially all those mean republicans who got so smug after amy winehouse died."

"i don't know when i've ever had a donut that's that unafraid to taste like buttermilk."

"really, all i'm looking for in life is someone to use my groupons with."

"you need to accept that you are destined to be a sex writer."

"i am deeply concerned about your boot situation."

"it's really uncomfortable. that's why it's renegade."

"well, i know what the 'o' in oline would be."

"it's like a bar. on a bike."

"lesson learned: do not treat a cancer diagnosis like a game of telephone."

"that's what i get for assuming i'd have the ability to think in the morning- a weekend full of awkward ensembles."

"i have lost the international dream battle, but hopefully i'll win the international dream war?"

"i don't need two friends and a girl. i have my characters and my book."

"i just thought we should rejoice together- you got this awesome opportunity to further your career and get to know amazing people, and i had a good lunch."

"i am 30 years old. i am giving birth in exactly 12 weeks, i have traveled around the world. but... i have not seen a single one of your 'you aren't an adult until you've seen _____.'"

"no duh it was easier in paris."

"i seem to be the only rat in my race."

"...like, i've liked it on facebook..."

"i already want your serpent bracelet so hard."

"so, end of your winnipeg to end of your nyc."

"you need to know that for the first time in my life this weekend, i made cupcakes that didn't suck."

"have i told you about my upcoming trip to new mexico?"

"everything ended up being a drama. pants! drama! shoes! drama!"

"it only leads me down a path of jealousy and horrible, all of it my own fault and likely a figment of my imagination."

"NEVER FORGET! (by which i mean not like 'never forget 9/11', but y'know, in that lesser way like 'never forget my food allergy')"

"i am trying to stall the starve."

"it is kind of like that booth belongs to johanna. i can see why it would break."

"levi wowed all the grown-ups with his knowledge of colors."

"i don't have much to offer other than 'have you google image searched it'?"

"really, all i did was buy a box of tampons and wait 5 days, but still. VICTORY!!!"

"i’ve combined 'western' with 'maxi dress.'"
"oh no."

"tell me about blowing these girls’ minds."

"admittedly, 'i'm taking burlesque' isn't something you expect to come out of the mouth of one of your bible study leaders, but still."

"disneyland... it's like a giant chick-fil-a."

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