07 January 2011

4 the expert


i may or may not be delivering a paper at a conference.

i say may or may not because my acceptance to deliver said paper at said conference was conveyed through a forwarded email from the biography, autobiography, memoir, personal essay area chair that mentioned nothing of my paper but simply stated that i had been "approved" and that she looks forward to seeing me there. since this echoes the sentiments of all people everywhere half-heartedly welcoming visitors whom they do not want, i take it with equal parts salt and hope.

so i may or may not be delivering a paper. a state of circumstances that i am nearly entirely certain is due solely to the fact that the paper i may or may not be delivering has the unlikely phrase "sex toboggan" in its title.

much like my uneasy worldwide affiliation with michael landon's loins, i do not know if the sex toboggan is something for which i want to be known. principly, i do not know what one wears when positioning oneself as an expert in sex toboggans. and that seems somehow monumentally more important than the fact that i'm not even entirely certain what a sex toboggan is.

4 comments:

Lara Ehrlich said...

YAY!!! And yes, the truly important consideration here is definitely the outfit. You may send options for my consideration. Thank you.

oline said...

i fear i may need to enter the room on a sex toboggan. your thoughts?

Linda said...

I liken you with your landon loins and sex toboggans to Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle".

Before she was famous, she was all "I can sing better than I do in Genie in a Bottle, guys"

And part of the world was all "What did she say?"

And the rest of the world was all "I dunno. Something blah blah Genie in a Bottle. Sing Genie in Bottle!!"

And she did. But then became much more well known for having a good voice.

The moral of the story is that your sex toboggan will make them listen to you, where you can then wow them with your literary equivalent of Lady Marmalade. (and also, never make a Dirty video)

oline said...

ok, that may have been the greatest comment of all time. particularly since i first thought it was from croftie and was like "wow, when did croftie learn so much about xtina," then i realized it was from you and the world made sense again.