08 December 2010
i have radiator heat, which means my apartment is gloriously tropic despite external sub-zero temps. but there are downsides to radiator heat. like the recurrence of a situation that necessitated the googling of the phrase "radiator heat bloody nose cure."
turns out said cure equates to swabbing vaseline every night. gross word. sexy business.
but it works. and you'd be surprised the lengths one will go to when the alternative is to wake up breathing blood.
according to my mother, i am PLAYING WITH FIRE. and, yes, those exact words were used. PLAYING WITH FIRE. because apparently this extremely scientific treatment resulting from the googling of "radiator heat bloody nose cure" can lead to pulmonary embolism and violent death.
i do not believe this. i believe it is bunk. a googling of the phrase "vaseline bloody nose radiator heat violent asphyxiating death" only points to pages like moondragon's health & wellness, which further extols the restorative nasal powers of vaseline. and surely if this were true, if i were PLAYING WITH FIRE and people were dying from sticking vaseline up their noses, surely it would be possible to google that shit.
though she said it, my mother must not put too much stock in this either as immediately after she asserts that i am PLAYING WITH FIRE and will suffocate in my sleep, she backtracks and endorses the "radiator heat bloody nose cure," saying, oh, go ahead and stick that stuff up there. you like to live on the edge and, at least this way, you'll be lubricated.
filed under: the family forward