26 May 2010

39 powered up

it is hilarifying that my father referred me to this book...


it also raises the very important question:
is 10% of my mind power already automatically engaged in
the natural enlargement of my breasts?

(ps. "customers who bought this item also bought"
the big book of lesbian horse stories.
make of that what you will.)

39 comments:

Les Savy Ferd said...

so many questions.

1. There are lesbian horses?
2. what is total mind power?
3. is 10% of my brain also engaged in the natural enlargement of MY breasts?
4. couldn't one achieve similar results by simply gaining 10 pounds?
5. Is this what it would be like if my mother referred me to a book entitled natural male enhancement with total mind power?

oline said...

you raise many, many excellent questions, pirate.

1. the existence of a big book of lesbian horse stories implies that there are not only lesbian horses, but MANY lesbian horses- indeed, enough to populate a "big" book.

2. the opposite of fragmentary mental impotence.

3. presumably. unless there's a gender difference and 10% of the male brain is automatically engaged in the natural enlargement of something else...

4. only if one could use one's mind power to direct the pounds to a specific place, which womankind has failed to be able to do for all eternity. hence, this book.

5. she hasn't?

oline said...

also, can we please look closely at the cover photo? what is going on to the left of her boobs? is that an arm(s)? a supportive strap? did the mind power utilized to enlarge her bust accidentally increase the number of elbows as well?

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. which still begs the question, why would anyone want to read about lesbian horses, let alone a big book of them. One would think a mere sampling would be sufficient for even the most curious of mankind.

2. Stow your hegelian dialectics. defining something by it's opposite does not strictly tell me what it is.

3. well, i suppose i could rent my 10% out then, seeing as, surprisingly, I have no real desire to increase the size of my own bust.

4. This is also not strictly true. I have known at least two women in my life who were successful in aligning those 'next ten pounds' strategically to their bust.

5. No. No she hasn't.

oline said...

1. perhaps after you complete evil man smells baby, stabs snowman, you can pen the dread pirate dougo's abbreviated compendium of lesbian horse tales. (please, please, bow down in awe before the tail pun.)

2. freaking hegel.

3. this is indeed surprising. do you think it's possible to increase the size of one's mustache by total mind power? is it possible to increase the size of EVERYTHING by total mind power?

4. so at least two people have read dr. donald wilson.

5. clearly my father and i share a closeness to which everyone else can only hope to aspire.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. Brilliant. Love the triple meaning. Tail as in the anatomical part of the horse, tale as in story and 'tail' as in piece of ass. bow down indeed.

2. he will ALWAYS be with you.

3. if that were true then I am in dire need of Donald Wilson (M.D.)'s authoritative text: "Fuller, Better, Bristlier: "Bearding Out" with Total Mind Power.

4. that i know of. Now, everyone is a suspect.

5. clearly. I can only hope to one day have such a relationship, to pass along NBEWTMD to my hypothetical daughter (who with her parents DNA will be so nerdy that she will need all the help she can get otherwise).

Les Savy Ferd said...

5a. I think that the cover girl has not mastered TMP and has inadvertently grown an elboob.

oline said...

1. "tail as in piece of ass." it is my turn to bow down.

2. creepy. creepier that- for no apparent reason- it made me think of celine dion.

3. i hope donald wilson has written a tome on everything anyone could possibly want to enlarge. that somewhere out there (fival!) there is a donald wilson multi-volumed Mind Power set, vols. 1-99. i assume this is sold on tv late at night.

4. you mean my BFFs may have been secretly naturally enlarging their busts with mind power? betrayal. betrayal beyond the betrayal of the tapered leg jeans.

5. i do not know that such closeness is necessarily desirable. highly amusing, always, but occasionally disturbing as well.

oline said...

word of the day: elboob.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. I do what I can. The hardest part of the abbreviated compendium would be what to leave out. Lesbian horse erotica is such a vast genre.

2. Oh what. Like Celine Dion ISN'T the second (or third) coming of Hegel?

3. I only worry about the misuse of power and the inevitability a strategic boobular weapons race.

4. They hand out NBEWTMD in midwestern highschool sex ed classes with copies of the bible and the book "Darwin Was Gay".

5. well, is something truly amusing if it is not also slightly disturbing. RIDDLE ME THAT.

oline said...

1. and so unappreciated. you'll be shining a light upon a previously darkened field. a giant leap for equine rights.

2. i always imagined if hegel returned he'd return in the specter of an uberthin white woman. because, well, why not?

3. boobs of mass destruction.

4. the things you miss out on in southern public schools.

5. i'm sorry. i do not riddle boys.



[ps. have i told you lately that i love you?]

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. shine a light. new wolf parade soon...

2. well, we'll know if this is true if the next album is entitled 'Geist'.

3. they will reduce mankind to ruins as was foretold long ago.

4. well, to be fair, in my liberal northern public school we got the pamphlet "Defeat God with Dinosaurs" and the girls got, somewhat unsurprisingly, "the big book of lesbian horse stories."

5. so just other girls then?

[ :-) looking forward to your b-day extravaganzer]

oline said...

1. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. i need to conclusively answer the age-old question: whiney or growly?

2. "my geist will go on." "the power of geist." "let's talk about geist." "when i fall in geist." "i drove all night (to get to geist)" (and yes, it's natural to at first be alarmed by my knowledge of celine dion songs. do not be afraid.)

3. or they will not exist.

4. what scary sex ed.

5. well, yeah.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. I'm a Beockner man, myself. Which puts me in Camp Growly (headmaster Tom Waits). Although I can see the appeal of Senor Krug, especially among the ladyfolk for his indie dreaminess.

2. fear and awe go hand in hand. I believe it's called the sublime. Your Dioknowledge is sublime.

3. let's move back to the 'total' and 'control' in TMP. That's what freaks me out. If i were a girl, I wouldn't necessarily want my enhanced boobs to be fascist.

4. My fave question in sex ed class said naively enough. "How do two men have sex?" The teacher blanched and stuttered and finally copped out with, "very carefully.' true story.

5. I'm not sure I still know what the word riddle means in this thread anymore.

oline said...

1. growly had my heart until i saw whiney play that piano like a piano's meant to be played. now i'm all affectionally confusicated. it's fortunate that we have pfork.

2. such a wordsmith today pirate. first elboob and now dioknowledge. what will happen next?

3. but fascism is so hot right now.

4. they just showed us pictures of naked women. we were stunned speechless so therefore, no questions.

5. you started it.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. I mean, look, I'm not gonna toss whiney under a bus or anything. And sadly, I am 99% sure that WP have given us their finest album with their first.

2. the complete and utter degradation of the English language. It's my goal to bring back the hieroglyph.

3. that's it. I'm going over to Amazon and taking a gander at these two books.

4. not just naked I'm guessing but those creeptastic quasi-xrays where all the plumbing is bright pink and purple and *shudders*

5. I know you are but what am I?

oline said...

1. and sadly, i must agree.

2. DO IT.

3. i no longer know to what we are referring.

4. nope. just naked ladies. standing there looking defiantly pleased with themselves. and the only point i took away from this at the time- either because of the pictures or the commentary provided by our health teacher or a combination of both- was that i would one day have a body covered in hair, which i would have to spend the rest of my lifetime removing. a valid yet unfortunate realization when you're only eight years old.

5. wherever you go, there you are.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. we'll always have Apologies, then.

2. remember when this thread was about Celine Dion AND Hegel. I'm frightened by the speed in which we cover ground here. Next time try and work in a robert pattinson. (did you know if you type in 'robert' on the google he is the first result that comes up?)

3. remember when this thread was about boobs? *losing train of thought*

4. "A Lifetime of Removing" film-strip by Happy Times Southern School Health Education Learning Source (narrated by Susan Sarandon)

[thread 5 has ceased to exist]

oline said...

1. the progression from lesbian horses to wolf parade is noteworthy.

2. this was also initially about total mind power, so maybe hegel and celine are the key?

2.a. r.pat got his hairs cut. discuss.

3. isn't everything always about boobs?

4. as a sidenote, i'm 76% certain the naked lady was of some vaguely ethnic origins so i always walked away from "a lifetime of removing" thinking i would age into being tan. disillusioning all around.

5. i had a very important question only you could answer but alas i forgot. grrrrr.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. So, it turns out the horse stories book is about sort-of cowboy lesbians. rather, their sexuality is certain, their profession is what remains in doubt. Sorry for the imprecise grammar.

2. why would the vampyre, an ageless monster, need to have his hair cut?

3. *train of thought still derailed*

4. that's an awfully precise percentage. And that's what I've always admired about the vaguely ethnic. Their tans.

undead5. How dare you zombify thread 5! You'd better remember your oh so important query now.

oline said...

1. aw shucks. i wanted a big book on lesbian horses. not a big book on lesbians on horses. cripes.

2. can i please commence making fun of you for saying "vampyre"? (doesn't matter if you say yes, cause i'm gonna.)

3. the answer was yes, everything is always about boobs.

4. which brings to mind a lovely lyric from clem:

so come lay on the couch with me
'cuz nature's too wild and free
come lay on the couch
we don't have to work on our tans


5.1. don't hate me. i still don't remember.

but in other dorktastic inquiries... it's almost summer so buffy recaps are about to start, right?

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. Horses actually don't factor much into the 'stories'. My expertise is founded on the single review of the 'big book' I read on Amazon which is rather humorous.

2. of all the things I've done on this commentboard today, 'vampyre' is going to be my pillory?

3. how is baseball about boobs?

4. as a person who tans about as well as a vampyre, the couch is a lovely respite.

5.1.a) Lara keeps nudging me into watching the whole series over again. But I am 50 episodes into West Wing.

oline said...

1. how surprising that fans of the lesbian horsefic genre were not clamoring to review.

2. that remains to be seen. i imagine you could do so much more.

3. baseball. there's no crying in baseball. which comes from a league of their own. which is about women. who have boobs. SNAP.

4. i wish clem would do more. or maybe they have and i missed it. oops.

5.1.a) oh the west wing. stay true! don't falter! i'm gilmoring again. season 4 so rory's about to sleep with freaking dean and make me hate her.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. there are some real gems when you troll about amazon reviews. people never cease to amaze me.

2. hegel -> dion -> twilight kid -> your move.

3. impressive. I'll never look at the nation's pastime the same way ever again.

4. i'm pretty sure they have put out some albums but have also broken up and come back to life. kind of like a vampyre.

5.1.a) I still have not seen S4 of GG or the final episode of the final season. In my mind, Rory goes from bookworm to yacht-thief in a single stroke.

oline said...

1. ok. how did you fail to mention that the cover blurb was "when these sapphic sisters saddle up, ecstasy is only a hoofbeat away!"?! i am also intrigued by bobby blanchard lesbian gym teacher...

2. oline out.

3. well, you're already looking at it wrong, what with being american league and all.

4. apparently they have: lose big. hungry bird. the meat of life. which collectively read like a wacked out haiku. but then we would expect nothing less from mister barzelay.

5.1.a) that would probably be because there is no S4 yet seeing as they just finished S3. but i would be happy to loan you S2 if you want to catch up. it is a glorious disaster. also have MM season 3, though you'd have to do quick turn-around on that as i'm not quite ready to part with it long-term.

5.1.b) the thing only you could answer had i not forgot: INTERPOL. your discovery. we never fully discussed.

oline said...

(i feel like we have chosen a very public forum in which to laboriously reconnect as friends.)

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. who wouldn't be intrigued by by bobby blanchard lesbian gym teacher? also, is there any other kind of gym teacher?

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3. that cuts to the core of the very fiber of the center of my being.

4. I'll just co-opt Clem Snide for Interpol, mmkay? LOVING the Interpol.

5.1.a) Oh, I meant GG as in Gilmore Girls. You were referring to that other show. The one that somehow made watching a threesome feel like watching paint dry.

oline said...

1. married men who have an affair with your science teacher. but maybe that was only at my middle school.

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3. because it's the troof.

4. YAY. i don't want to beat a dead (lesbian) horse, but I TOLD YOU SO. sadly, their subsequent stuff was decidedly lackluster. (i feel like we've been sad about an inordinate number of things in this commentary.)

5. there is a world of difference between those GGs. possibly a universe.

Les Savy Ferd said...

1. My gym teacher made fun of the kids who couldn't run well and made them keep trying to climb up the rope even when they clearly could not.

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4. but also joyous, full of mockery, hopeful, cantankerous, and silly.

5.1.a) would you agree that there is, dare I say it, a BUFFYVERSE between them? eh? EH?

oline said...

1. as a kid who could not run well, i am indignant.

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5.1.a) agreed. oh spike.

Les Savy Ferd said...

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5.1.a) I fear the circle is closing.

oline said...

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Les Savy Ferd said...

(what a fulfilling day)
(not sarcastic)

oline said...

(i like that you had to specify a lack of sarcasm)
(i'm SO ready to eat crepes with your wife)

Les Savy Ferd said...

(have fun. undoubtedly you will find her a much more stimulating conversationalist)
(also, I think that before you leave this thread, it is best to go back and take a look at the cover of NBEWTMC and see where this, and every conversation has emerged from)

oline said...

(we'll give la crepe your regards)
(i knew it would be provocative)

Les Savy Ferd said...

(i'm sorry if I scared your other blogmates away. I do that sometimes)

oline said...

(nah, i think they just like to give us space when we have our flights of fancy)

Linda said...

I ain't skeered. and oh, what lovely reading to come home to.