"never in my life have i seen so many printed pieces on how to properly blow one's nose."
"the word 'maternity' seems very old and 80's. like, concepts unheard of since our own mothers were young."
"if we were a tv show, i'd assume they were our corporate sponsor."
"i'm not racist. was never raised with it. heck, you remember my friendship with talitha."
"that's the second boner i've seen on a train."
"it's not rape unless my penis is involved."
"i've known all along they are not my future so we'll just see how long they're my present."
"rebecca romijn, the most annoynig pregnant woman of all time."
"no foul moodies! hooray!"
"heaven help me if i start to look like my aunt barb in my arms."
"this is all proof that he was an upstanding citizen. not just being a step-dad but adopting your slutty wife’s child."
"it's kinda sad that instead of curing cancer or something the CDC is just enabling busybody relatives."
"it all seemed so normal until i went to a place where people didn't race for the hand sanitizer every time someone around them sneezed."
"oh i know how to have sex with people who don't want to have sex with me."
"that's genevieve- always amazed, thrilled at nothing."