31 March 2009
2 march: a revue
"yes, i'm aware that i just put paris on par with a bread bowl."
"the reese's peanut butter cups are my undoing."
"honey, those are not sexy boots. those are robin hood, prince of thieves boots."
"i love sleeping bags... until i get a bout of claustrophobia and then i can't unzip that zipper fast enough and then have to wildly kick my legs in the air for about 2 minutes to show them that they can move and that they don't have to be scared."
"i want to see animals to the point where i’ll feel like nature has thrown up on me."
"i'm going to see jesus christ superstar tonight with the original jesus. which should be interesting because, apparently, this is the only thing that guy is good at, given he hasn't been able to let it go after almost 40 years."
"yes, she was. and yes, that is something we should make fun of."
"do you douche?"
"yeah, it doesn't work for most people, but then, i don't sweat like most people."
"she's actually a cauldron of life."
"liberace? no man should be that fancy!"
"we literally don’t know where this has been. we could be making anthrax bread, for all we know."
"have you ever seen that movie... she's having a baby?"
"you know, the one with katherine heigl."
"OH, you mean knocked up?"
"yeah. well, i'm sure at one point it was probably named she's having a baby."
"it’s like i used hamburger meat that took a bath in spicy water, but then toweled off."
"again, i cannot complain. i do not live in chicago."
"i’ve never met her and didn’t know she wasn’t male & german until today, and i feel sorry for her already."
"i may be the receptionist but i am not the maid."
“i think i’m having my epiphany and i owe it all to dunkin donuts.”
"i am living in morbid fear of jiggly arms."
"you just will never know how much weather perspective you have brought into my life with regards to the elements."