28 February 2009
2 february: a revue
"aw, look at the little hebrew vegetable."
"full? phft! i could eat forever."
"when he sings, my prostate tingles with elation."
"it really warms my heart that when you see colossal mounds of snot, you think of me."
"i will stop at the penis."
"he played such a cad he almost made me like jennifer connolly, which is very hard to do given her eyebrows have intimidated me since kindergarten."
"it's going to be an infernal soiree of obligation."
"...the taste of disdain..."
"you can definitely tell that i'm about to start lady week. i ate a million chips with queso and jalapeno peppers last night, and later almost wept to some songs from the white album."
"for those of us who didn't make much to begin with, this whole bad economy thing is working out pretty well."
"would it be wrong to ignore a friend request on facebook because the person reminds me of someone who has raped me in my dreams?"
"i really do think he is going to turn out to be gay one of these days. call it a hunch. i just don't see how a man can love euro-pop, appreciate the male form, and spend an entire weekend not kissing me without ultimately being gay."
"it is sad that reading the onion for 45 minutes at a coffee shop in chicago made me more culturally aware than i have been in 3 years."
"it's like a tv movie put up on the big screen that we'll be watching on a tv."
"i'm against pre-marital sex, yes, BUT… it would almost be worth it just to scandalize the old cow."
"you're very silent in your underwear."
"my spellcheck keeps trying to change white house into whorehouse. is gmail trying to tell me something?"
"i was so hormonal yesterday. which explains the 10 mini hershey bars and why i started weeping on the walk home."
"for dramatic people, a day is like a decade."
"it smells like a chinese restaurant in here. and not a good chinese restaurant, but more like a chinese restaurant where their menu is select reheated asian-themed items by lean cuisine."
"so do you have chocolate chip pancakes most mornings then? how are you not the happiest girl EVER?"
"he brings Real Furniture to the picture."
"geez. i am like a wildcat on the savannah today! i want to eat meat!"
"i think if i eat any more roughage, my bottom will fall out."
"someday i would like to have that level of commitment with cheese."