05 January 2010

24 getting ahead

you may recall that i have an "acquaintance" whose primary interests are my love life and dispensing not-particularly-helpful insight as it seems to relate to my love life. if not, um... yeah. i have an "acquaintance" whose primary interests are my love life and dispensing not-particularly-helpful (nay, legendarily bad) insight as it seems to relate to my love life.

so, the other day, apropos of absolutely nothing, i received the following rather spectacular text message:
"Oline! Remember. Finding a mate is just a sales job. Prospecting. Qualifying. Overcoming objections. I am serious. Go big game hunting. Close the deal."
this was meant to be encouraging, galvanizing even. but really, it was more ironic than anything else. because i've refused every sales job i've ever been offered. and i'm thinking more and more i want to take up taxidermy.

[via]

24 comments:

Clark MF Price said...

Yikes!

Meggie said...

At first I wondered if I was that Friend but then I realized I haven't texted you in awhile. LOL.

Question... Is the friend married? Or at the very least in a happy (read: happy) long-term relationship? If not, tell her to shut the fuck up. :) The smile makes it nice.

oline said...

oh there you are, clark. i'd wondered where you'd gone to. are we ever going to speak in real life again?

and don't worry, meggie. this friend is so not you. and this priceless advice is actually from a middle-aged man. make of that what you will.

Meggie said...

Does he live in his Mom's basement and dress up as a Star Trek/Star Wars/X Files character? Does he read comic books? If so, why on earth did you give him your number?

oline said...

you make this sound so much more sinister than it is!

Meggie said...

Maybe it is sinister. Maybe he is secretly stalking you from afar. Maybe he wishes he was your next Love.

Les Savy Ferd said...

hey! nothing wrong with comics. *grumble grumblecakes*

Meggie said...

LOL.

Linda said...

I have always thought he wished to be the next Love, but also realize I am way off target on that one.

His message reminds me of the 80's hit "Man Hunt", of fame on the Flashdance soundtrack.

ah. Flashdance.

Meggie said...

Are we old enough for Flashdance?

oline said...

i have never seen flashdance.

and i love love, lindear, how even after all these years you persist in positing the idea of a torrid office romance.

and whoever my Next Love may wind up being, i'm sure he'll be delighted to find out he was once referred to as "big game."

Linda said...

not romance. unrequited love. or obsession. I haven't decided which.

heh heh. so can we call the Next Love "elephant"?

oline said...

um... i don't think we need nicknames for men who do not yet exist. (at least not public ones.)

however, this does raise the point of the only thing missing from nuit blanche 2009... white elephant.

oline said...

ps. it warms my heart that you all made a new years resolution to comment on my blog again!

Meggie said...

We can't call him Elephant. Then I will always link him to the saying "the elephant in the room". We can't have the next Love linked to that. No negative vibes! This is Love!

And I'm going for unrequited romance on the Acquaintance. Totally Love, Actually Laura Linney.

oline said...

omg, you SO nailed it, meggie. he is totally LA laura linney. you get extra points for that.

Meggie said...

Dude, we're on a points system now?

Les Savy Ferd said...

negative points for asking about the points system.

oline said...

wait a minute. we've done this before, haven't we? The Game? i think we have officially cycled all the way around to where we were before.

Meggie said...

I still maintain that I got an infinite number of points for putting up with you flinging thongs at me!

oline said...

nay. you RUINED twlight. 'nough said.

Meggie said...

THONGS! You were throwing THONGS at my FACE! IN PUBLIC!

Total win.

oline said...

i think maybe it's time we ask WHY you still remember that. i- with my elephantine memory- only vaguely remember that and i think that's in large part because you've reminded me of it so often that it seems like something that actually once took place.

Clark MF Price said...

Oh Beanhead. Our phone tag is about as long and convoluted as playing a chess match by mail. I will have to check a Magic 8 Ball to see if our schedules will be in sync enough eventually for our palaver. I think eventually I will have to leave you messages in the theme of a Civil War soldier. (Foghorn Leghorn accent) "My dearest Oline..."