05 January 2009

9 27: the new 45

it was not the day to wear a huge-ass forever 21 $4 fake diamond ring. while standing at the copier, a co-worker cornered me to ask if i'd gotten engaged over the break.

in my ignorance, i first took this as a gross misreading of my character- that, despite my preponderance of $4 jewels, she had labeled me as the kind of girl who would demand a diamond the size of a cranberry rather than the kind who'd want a boy to just roll over in bed and put a ring-pop on her finger. i thought that was kind of obvious.

but no. that was not what this was about.

once her facial features had smoothed back into place and her breathing had calmed, she hit upon her main point, leaning in and saying in a hushed tone with the tiniest sliver of panic, well, you have to think about these things... AT YOUR AGE...


Meggie said...

I'm the girl who wants the big ass diamond ring. *laughs*

However, you do realize that once you hit 25 and weren't married, it meant doom and gloom and that you were destined to live your life in a tiny apartment with 45 cats.

Just beware: If you die and the cats are hungry, they will eat you.

oline said...

see that's where you're wrong. when you hit 25, you finally know how to dress to flatter 34As and have an inkling of who you are and what you want. this is progress- not gloom and doom.

the vieve will never eat me. she may paw me to death, but she will not eat me.

Les Savy Ferd said...

45 Vieves would eat you. in a Chicago minute*

*note, a Chicago minute, unlike the New York minute, actually lasts a full sixty seconds. Indeed, Scientists agree that it may in fact be the only metropolitan minute deserving of the name. See the chart below:

New York minute: 14 seconds
Pawtucket minute: 37 seconds
Miami minute: 48 seconds
Chicago minute: 60 seconds
Tex-Arcana minute: 67 seconds
Sheboygan minute: 72 seconds
Tupelo minute: 1 hour, 13 minutes
Wasilla minute: 3 hours

oline said...

4 collies. 1 vieve.

and i never knew you were such a minutian, dread pirate. i would, however, propose that this must needs be a sliding scale meteorologically speaking. surely, the chicago winter minute is the longest of metropolitan minutes.

Les Savy Ferd said...

bringing *tck* relativity into the equations *tck tck* wonks up my calibrations. I'll have to *tck* reformat the---


Linda said...

ass diamond?

Les Savy Ferd said...

neil diamond?

taramoon333 said...

omg. Who was it, or should I just guess?

oline said...

think accounting...