"if i get a cape, can we have sex?"
"he calls me 'queen' and 'daddy' and all of these stupidly ridiculous names that tend to assume that, because i'm gay, i must be a vagina at heart."
"ok. moving on... that topic just comes with a big bag of judgment."
"my virginity has become oppressive."
"i do thank you for sharing. it's like watching an STD we nearly contracted infect someone else."
"oh, vaginal fluids!"
"yeah, dude, you are a douche. what std den did you roll out of?"
"ice skating is awesome. like sex, it hurts the first time then gets infinitely better."
"i didn't pay to see bush."
"kids' is the best song to come out in a long time. if i could, i would kiss it and thank it and write it a letter every week just to make sure it's doing alright."
"i never worried about any girl cheating on me because it never entered my mind that i'm not the best... at everything."
"there's always sushi..."
"good sex is pretty much a sinful thing, no matter if there is a wedding ring involved or not."
"how is your family planning situation?"
"we had a hilarious phone convo yesterday with me trying to calm her fears that facebook was populated by sex fiends who would seek out her profile specifically to harm her baby and have their way with her."
"i have very spertile firm... ahem... fertile sperm."
"you know, i've gotten really comfortable with the word 'vagina.'"
"how very unfortunate for all of the rest of us."