31 January 2008
3 january: a revue
"you know, you and paris hilton are pretty much the same except for the venereal disease."
"they won't hit on me- i'm brown."
"i don't want to meet anyone in a club. unless it's the designated driver. that's the only person you want to meet in a club."
"what if i'm one of those people with raisins for ovaries?"
"that's the great wedding destroying fear now... immaculate conception."
"the only thing you get from being on bottom is bad hair."
"they were about to have a throw-down about hemingway versus virginia woolf. and i don't even know how hemingway and virigina woolf can have a fair fight. they have nothing in common other than him being a man's man and her being a woman's woman."
"i kind of feel like my womb is being ripped to shreds but other than that, a pretty peachy day."
"i'm really into licking and touching more than... wow. that was an overshare."
"that was back in the days when you were taking your tour through the subway crew."
"i'm curious what it's going to be like making out with this midget."
"i know you're not a drinker, but you're a liberal, right?"
"you're such a faux-ho."
"i imagine you are the great masturbator of our time."
"oh, jonathan rhys meyers. he had me at the rhys."
"has anyone ever told you you look lovely in mustard?"
"i should go and be productive."
"you want to be reproductive??"
"i had a whole box of hot pockets for lunch. maybe that wasn't the greatest idea."
"he was classy- he didn't tell me all about his sex life."
"this guy is too much. he's like an after school special."
"no, no, no. he's like a canadian after school special."
"so... are you against the ostrich egg now?"