18 December 2007

20 the worst-case scenario

we, my parents and i, are optimistic fatalists. we anticipate the best and emotionally prepare for the absolute worst.

because you never know. it might happen. and if we prepare, if we devise the myriad ways in which we might go about fixing whatever unimagined horror it is, then if it does happen at least the likelihood is lessened that we'll wind up sobbing in a corner booth at a cracker barrell in culman, alabama.

i'm flying home on friday. because i really, really, really want to be in the memphis airport come 11.14 pm, i've spent the better part of the past three weeks emotionally preparing to be stranded in atlanta. because altanta seems like the next worst thing to detroit. so this is the outcome i am ready for. i am ready for the atlanta airport to dissappoint me. this is my point of focus. this is the scenario i can handle.

on the phone last night, after a confession of my fear, my mum paused, inhaled deeply and said quietly, as if afraid to verbalize the horror: gosh, i hope your chicago flight doesn't get cancelled. that would be so tragical. my poor baby, CANCELLATED!!!

upon her wail of grief, my father's steps could be heard in the background as he came rushing down the stairs and into the room. my mum quickly informed him of the previously unanticipated possibility of the unparalleled horror of being cancellated. to which my father, ever the voice of reason, paused, inhaled deeply and said quietly: well, that would be the end of the world. but don't worry. we'll fix it.

20 comments:

Linda said...

CANCELLATED!!!

Les Savy Ferd said...

well, i now know who to come see should something i do invoke Armageddon. And with that lovely word springs to mind the lyrics...

"AND I DOAN WANNA MISS A THANG!!!"

that and the image of an animal cookie parading around on Liv tyler's surprisingly unsexual midriff. seriously, i've seen more sexual energy in, well, probably best ending that thought now.

oline said...

i don't know what's more disturbing. the end of the world or the fact that dougO said "thang."

Meggie said...

I can think of worse things... Last night's kitchen accident is one.

Clark MF Price said...

My roomie cried at the end of Armageddon. To this day my friends and I still make fun of him for it. My friend Duong went so far as to change the subtitles of the movie Ong-Bak to a dialog about Tony crying at the end of Armageddon. Good times!

Les Savy Ferd said...

Don't worry O. twon't happen again.

oline said...

was armageddon really that moving? if i remember, i fell asleep.

on behalf of the whole wide world, i thank you, pirate.

Meggie said...

What I remember about Armageddon was just being really disturbed by the animal cracker scene and that Liv Tyler was wearing granny panties.

Clark MF Price said...

I have never seen Armageddon. I watched Deep Impact instead and that was more than enough asteroid movie for me. Liv Tyler has never really done it for me. I think that it stems from the "Crazy" video by Aerosmith. Just the fact of her doing stripper stuff for her father's video never sat right with me. Kinda like how I didn't like Angelina Jolie after she made out with her weird looking brother.

oline said...

oh, deep impact. the movie parto and S went to see after junior prom, where lukie-pooh put his unshod, smelly feet on the seat beside them.

a story repeated so many times, i feel as though i was there rather than with meggie, getting pulled over by the police.

Les Savy Ferd said...

a) Liv Tyler, despite possessing what would appear to be a near 'sure thing' in terms of looks, etc, somehow manages to pull off being not even remotely attractive. It is, perhaps, one of the most confounding examples nature can provide. I dunno, she just seems to wear a cloak of uninterestingness about her.

b) i remember that vidya. Alicai Silverstone pre-PETA naked ad dressed up like a man, if I remember right.

c) Oline. police. please explain.

oline said...

going to have to deny you there, pirate. because the story is cloaked in uninterestingness and i'd much rather everyone brainstorm scenarios in which meggie and i were on the post-prom lam than reveal the rather more boring truth.

Les Savy Ferd said...

surely you wear a cloak of magnificence at all times.

oline said...

i hate to shake your faith, dougO, but sometimes i- yes, even i- am shrouded in less than magnificence.

Meggie said...

I forgot that we got pulled over by the police! I think Evie has the photographic evidence too... You gotta remember that Evie was also present.

oline said...

there were photographs?! that makes it sound like even more of an event than it was.

Meggie said...

There were photographs... I think it was our first dealing with the police and we were terrified so of course, picture-taking as mandatory!

oline said...

that even predated parto and joshie getting pulled over for drunk driving by the mexican cop.

Les Savy Ferd said...

"and I DOAN WANNA miss a THAAANG!"

so sorry. after i went and promised and everything. I should be ashamed of myself. and I am. sort of. oh crap here comes the next verse...

oline said...

stoooooooooooop the madness.