this became my mum's greatest fear. not that i would take drugs or have wild sex with a politician or elope with an atheist or be hit by the #151. not that i would become a presbyterian or a partier or get pregnant. those are nothing when confronted with the prospect of death by a porch.
every time i did anything remotely party-on-a-porch-like (wine tastings, doc films, study groups, etc.), my mum would evoke "those poor people who lost their lives on THAT CHICAGO PORCH"- as though this single architectural feature were responsible for humanity's inevitable doom. as though chicago were the capital of collapsing porches.
the only time i came near anything even near the adjacent neighborhood of a party on a porch that year was a spring break festivity at jennyfair's. i vividly remember standing with pirate, schreider, and jennyfair on jennyfair's back porch. jennyfair gesturing frantically with her cigarette in that way she had in the days when she still smoked and our thesis loomed. and all i could think was this: I'M ON A PORCH! I'M ON A PORCH!
my mum never knew. as far as my mum knows, i haven't been on a porch in the past five years.
so it was with mixed feelings that i gained a porch of my own in the last move. and it was with horror that i went out on that porch this morning, 2 days before the parents impending arrival, and discovered this:
because that'll make her feel so much better.
17 comments:
Um, Caro... Aren't you Presbyterian?? Boy, your mom would love my balcony. That collapses and you're going into the river!
you're joking, right? we're soulmates. surely you know what i am!
I'm a human bean.
and you're back!
pssst..meggie.... not presbyterian....eshay isay aptistbay.
really, lindear. is it so scandalous that it warrants pig latin? (dazzling linguistic skills by the way.)
not so scandalous. I was just sneakig the tidbit to meggie. but you cracked my code!!
if it's consolation, sneakda- had to summon all my wiley know-how.
Ok... As a Methodist, then Baptist is a bad thing. *LOL* Everytime I get condemned to hell it is always by a Baptist!
unfortunately, the splinter in your neighbor's eye/plank in your own parable seems to have missed the general southern baptist convention-going population.
At least it isn't Mormonism. Every time that I go to visit my family in KC then Mormons always try to convert me. Always a funny conversation.
54 feet into the foote
NO WAY. i refuse to believe that.
ok. i guess now that i've had a moment, i'll try to believe. but you'd better sound the alarm loud and clear when you hit the neighborhood of 350 feet so i can gear up and join you in the mad dash to perryville. have you gotten to that kick ass paragraph where he pursues the "u.s. geography as the human body" metaphor for entirely too long? that's my favorite footeism so far. ah shelby.
no, just past sumter. will sound the alarum bells.
please. please sound the alarum bells, and i will ready the batallion and we will fix bayonnets and storm the hill and take those damn yankees from the far right flank.
because you're with the boys in gray, no? being such a fan of the swamps of lousiana, i don't see how you could lean any other way in this war of nothern aggression.
I have no affinity towards the 'swamps of louisiana' however I am also agin unity for unity's sake (see modern day Iraq e.g.)
suit me up in gray, fair lady.
consider yourself suited.
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