31 May 2007
0 may: a revue
"i don't know what they're teaching in sex ed classes in alabama but it goes IN the va-jay-jay."
"i'm always amazed that people can MAKE chinese food. clearly chinese people must but it's always seemed like something that just materializes rather than something that's actually prepared."
"it was so impressive. if we were living in a jane austen novel we would assume he had one of his sisters help him write it."
"history has proven that the world always blows up in the last hour of the workday."
"starting just sucks."
"coconuts are very tee hee."
"i can hardly do my grocery shopping while doing my grocery shopping and she conducted a business meeting in the cereal aisle."
"we stayed up playing with it to a later hour than what is probably decent in an apartment building."
"those babies, they are not small beans."
"i just want to go home and enjoy the silence."
"i'm still optimistic for yum."
"you know that book... what to expect when you're expecting?"
"oh, i've read that!"
"when were you ever expecting?!"
"well, i wasn't but my friend was and i saw this book and i read it because, y'know, you just like to know what to expect."
"who is he?"
"scary southern man with suspenders, that's who!"
"to celebrate for you, i shall call a man."
"it's exhausting to elevate so much."
"i'm on a mission!"
"does that make you a missionary?"
"caroline, you and i know i'm not worth the cost of the powder to blow me to hell."
"there's something hilarious about asking someone in a chateau if there's a hertz rent-a-car around the block."
"just throw spiritual guidance at him and cut and run!"
"she is clearly not a vacation animal."
"who can say no to vivid hopes and dreams?!"
"it did unilaterally work out freaking well."
"long hair is a great boob coat."
"everything looks fantastically appropriate at home and then i walk through the door and instantly think, 'my God, i've dressed like a whore.'"
"clearly we were not meant to spend a lifetime together if our chins didn't click."
"people who don't keep up with pop culture are not worth spending time with."
"i could never take something that made jonathan brandis kill himself. just out of principle."
"i'm not much of a weiner person."
"i've never prepared anything meaty for a social occasion before."
"i pity you all in this Adult Dating-Marrying jungle. better you than me though. i'd cry the whole time."
"apparently, it sucks to be 26."
"he'd probably never seen such a mass of menopause."
"there will be cakes. or at the very least- cups of it."
"my head's where it'll make you proud."
"hence my thinking the ass was a penis."
"nothing flusters a body like a battle with a locked door."
"i cried. but it wasn't at all an emotional book.. it dealt with drugs, sex, murder, and a boat."
"my how time flies when you get trapped in a stairway."
"am wearing a 3" wide pepto bismol pink belt. it's going to be a good day."
"chris pontius is officially dear to my heart."
"there's no chance in hell that we could be anything with these people, let alone be naked!"
"to be perfectly honest, you're the biggest mistake in my life."
"we just ate the dough, so what's some goo?"
"i swear if one of us is ever having a dark night of the soul, the other one of us has to make heaven in a bowl."
"clothes should not have tags. they only get in the way and are a constant reminder that none of us know how to sew."
"i'm sorry. i don't enunciate well."
"you don't have to. it's your birthday."
"if you want to have a fabulous day, then boy howdy, you make that day fabulous."