14 April 2007

8 straighten up

i have an "acquaintance." his primary interests are my love life and dispensing not particularly helpful insight as it seems to relate to my love life. case in point:
oline, don't wait until your thirties. get married now, while you're still kind of young. just find a guy and settle down and it'll be so much better than if you hold out looking for The One. i don't think he exists and i see so many thirty-year-olds getting married and there is just no passion there. you want to get it while you're young, before the passion dies, otherwise you're just old and desperate and there's nothing less sexy.
um... thanks.

i told my mum this and she nearly died laughing. and then, as though it were a completely connected thought, she said:
i was talking to the dentist the other day about your retainer and he is so proud you're still wearing it. and he did say that, yes, you'll need to wear it for the rest of your natural life.
and two things occurred to me.

1) my adventures in orthodontia will end in either dentures or death.
2) surely the retainer will keep the passion alive.

8 comments:

Les Savy Ferd said...

i was singing Cher in the bath the other day. Croftie will back me up on this. Or will she? Maybe she'll deny the whole thing in an effort to protect my rugged image, and in turn protect her 'woman loving a rugged man' image.

oline said...

"i was singing cher in the bath the other day."

best. sentence. ever.

and what's with this 'woman loving a rugged man' image? wouldn't we all be dating paul bunyon if that were the case?

Les Savy Ferd said...

please. its Paul Bunyan. Don't heedless combine his last name with those horrible vending machine 'funyon' rings.

besides the obvious fact that everyone *did* date Bunyan. and they were glad they did. cause he was polite. and gentle hearted. or something. i failed elementary school history.

oline said...

wait. i thought paul bunyAn was lonely and unloved so he and babe the blue ox took to the wilds, cutting trees and watching the aurora borealis on an ice floe, which is rather romantic really so i guess he did have a softer side that would've made everyone want to date him had they not judged him a butch dimwit based on his plaid flannel blouse.

Les Savy Ferd said...

men wear shirts, Oline, not blouses.

oline said...

said the man with the rugged image who was singing cher in the bath.

oline said...

and pray tell, pirate, what cher? are we talking "half-breed" or "believe"? inquiring minds need to know.

Les Savy Ferd said...

you'll have to ask the Croft. I didn't know it was Cher (Sure you didn't, pirate). I only became aware of my crime by Croftie's surprisingly caustic and unbelievably funny dead-pan: "um, Cher?... Really?"