31 March 2007
2 march: a revue
"quote day! i love quote day! in a very parent-teacher conferency way, i proudly show the boy and point out which ones were mine."
"yeah, he thought my blog was too negative. which is damn hysterical coming from a boy who wasn't exactly a bucket of joyful."
"this guy almost makes brantley look straight."
"and i only think i know these ovary things. sex ed was very confusing so it may all be a complete lie."
"she would never hurt me. she might accidentally kill me, but she would never hurt me."
"the cookie didn't make the pain go away exactly, but it was delicious nonetheless."
"these stupid bulimic cats..."
"but if you ate your winter coat, you'd throw up too."
"if worst comes to worst, we'll die and you'll get all our money and you can say nah-nah-ne-boo-boo to the world."
"but i'd really rather have you than the right to say nah-nah-ne-boo-boo."
"but who wouldn't want to nah-nah-ne-boo-boo?"
"we're buying a cake. that is not a difficult truth to master."
"i seriously doubt you'll marry a dirty man."
"my closet is full of risks i have yet to take."
"you can't spank it on the clock."
"there's something rather wrong about a 25-year-old woman sleeping with winnie the pooh."
"we were hoping it would at least come close to the world of real fat ice cream. i'd say it was in the atmosphere but not by much. you just can't taste fatty and be fat-free."
"haven't you noticed that my underarms are abnormally large?"
"i love the polka dotted boots, but will they look like giant leg zits?"
"the church people are being all opinionified."
"books that start off with people being caught having elicit sex usually turn out to be pretty good."
"way to be boring and better off in the end. you're living like a lindear now!"
"that girl was at that game and she was really stacked. and the point of this photo is to make all the other really stacked girls reading us at home say, 'i should have been at that game.'"
"i'm not fat... but it's rough."
"do you always celebrate things with hats?"
"no tears today. just fangs."
"i admire people who run marathons."
"there is no way in hell i would run a marathon."
"croftie said hell!"
"i feel very strongly about marathons."
"he either wants to be our friend or watch us have sex."
"i've got a book coming... about rubble. i'm big into works on rubble and ruin."
"the cupcake was a huge clue and it haunted me in the days immediately following."
"a two and a half hour phone date with your mother? yeah, i'd say you rocked that friday night."
"what in the world is the picture below the forks where my company would think it was explicit material?"
"that, my dear, would be the dougo. i don't know that we would call him explicit."
"i am very smacked."
"our faces are jerks."
"but what harm will cake do?"
"i don't know how i can ever make it up to him. i mean, sex won't even cut it."
"i think i really just want to date zack morris right now. not even mark-paul gosselaar, but zack morris himself."
"sadly, i'm more excited by the prospect of buying a birthday cake for our imaginary friend than i have been about anything lately outside of dr. quinn dvd arrival."
"i'm sure they're lovely people, but a big ew to the fruit of their loins."
"if i were you, which i'm not, but if i were..."
"baby girl, your legs are HOT. if i'd of had your legs, i don't think i'd of ever come in from the rain and gotten off drugs and found God. legs like that are meant to lead a life of sin."
"she's just the ultimate kind of elegant- where she can throw people out of windows and leave a diamond ring on a toilet and still be glamorous... and i'm pulling steak out of my teeth as i say that."
"that was the best monologue ever... and i just spit everywhere."
"clearly, we ain't got no glamor."
"all the great dramas arise from cake."
"i put entirely too much stock in the pithy concluding one-liner."