21 March 2007

4 bang & blame

while men have their hair tended by barbers or flowbees, dressage is a wee bit more convoluted for women. we go to salons and have stylists. small talk is made. relationships are forged. it's a dynamic of such complexity that we sometimes have to dump the people who do our hair.

because the hair crowd can be a temperamental bunch. they are Artists and they have A Vision and they loathe any meddling. heaven forbid we shear the strands on own heads. when i have dared to do this, it never fails to induce a pouty lip and a raised brow from the hairdressing international academy graduate.

while there are legitimate arguments for their hatred of such meddling- namely, i am not a professional, therefore i could possibly do irreparable harm to my hair and not have the objectivity to stop myself- in the face of such consternation, i'm simply plunged into further rebellion. confronting unruly bangs, i recklessly brandish the scissors and shout, fie! a pox on you, silly style fascists!

this has led to an odd series of transformations. it began a few weeks ago with an excellent home-trim, and by a pure fluke- which grossly exaggerated my sense of my own haircutting skills- i managed to recraft to perfection the nicole richie bangs. but perfection is fleeting.

i went at my bangs again last tuesday and, in further evidence that i have become increasingly incapable of separating reality from dr. quinn, totally wandered out of nicole richie territory and landed in some jane seymour circa 1993 bang business. they were not bad, but nor were they highly desirable.

undeterred, i went after them again on friday afternoon. i wound up with rory gilmore. not rory gilmore when she was cute and liked dean- whom we didn't like because dean was a lame and rory gilmore was too innocent to see that she should have been with jess, who was hip and dead sexy and appropriately pint-sized. not that rory gilmore, the rory gilmore we all loved.

no, these are the bangs of the rory gilmore of today. the rory gilmore whom croftie has aptly labeled "a strumpet." the rory gilmore who is squandering her life on logan, whom we only liked for a glimmer of a moment when he was a welcome relief from lame-o scoundrel dean, whom we completely blame for the moral downfall of cute, too-innocent-to-see-that-she-should-be-madly-in-love-with-jess rory.

this is the rory gilmore whose bangs i have wound up with and i have to live with that. it must end here because i am fast barreling toward tommy cruise's bangs of spring '06. and there's no explaining that to a hairstylist.


Linda said...

I still say your bangs are the hottest thing ever!

oline said...

when you're my cacee cobb, we can home-cut each other's sexy bangs.

Linda said...

You know, I've been thinking about our FASHIONS over the years, and you have evolved into this fashion goddess! You would make a great before-and-after model. I am still in my before. Not much has evolved for me except I cover my boobs better now.

oline said...

as a matter of fact, i did know you had been thinking about our FASHIONS. but lindear darling, remember the spangled hats? we've both come leaps and bounds. LEAPS and BOUNDS, i say. and that dragon shirt was so tits out ahead of its time.