23 February 2007

10 won't you be my neighbor?

last night, i met a bona fide, previously unmet neighbor. he looked like moby. i looked like a madam.

moby came a'knocking not one minute after i emerged from a bubble bath. contactless and peering through the elvin peephole, i mistook him for the bombshell and greeted him at the door with my hair in a beehive and my self in a leopard-print bathrobe. a robe with a proclivity for flying open and revealing scandalous amounts of red bra.

in an effort to conceal these containment inadequacies, i mimicked a move beloved by trollops the world over and leaned wantonly against the door frame at precisely the moment that a nauseating wave of "woman in yellow" wafted heavily by on the breeze. moby took a hasty step back, bracing against the onslaught of femininity.

apparently water was leaking into moby's bathroom. he had come to see if there was a flood. there wasn't. there had simply been a bath.

as he turned to go, he said, by the way, i'm moby.

hi, i'm heidi fleiss.

10 comments:

Linda said...

truly a fabulous "how we met" story. I shall be sure to tell it at your silver anniversary.

oline said...

wow, lindear. you work fast. but i don't think i want to be playing the part of a madam in my "how we met." am much more of a tart or a floozy. there's a thought for the day- the hierarchy of whoredom. harlots, trollops, and sluts- oh my!

Bombsy said...

ooohh, do you think he thinks i'm one of your "girls"?
i'm just gonna let the mistaking a bald man for me business go.
high 5 for the red bra. you do have the best assortment of bras i've ever seen.

oline said...

the hall light was shining on his head in such a way as to create a highly deceptive red halo. and the elvin peep hole is not very true to life.

it's unfortunate that i don't have enough drawer space so as to spare the entire community knowledge of my excellent assortment of bras. but then, if i'm just going to be flashing hapless bald men, it doesn't matter much.

he is on the floor with the mood lighting though. perhaps he was looking to pimp the boy next door. ah, the pillbrothel.

Clark MF Price said...

So....was water leaking into his bathroom from your bath?

oline said...

somehow there was enough water leaking out of his ceiling to imply that there was a flood upstairs. i vaguely remember the phrase "bad pipes" being uttered. maybe?

Les Savy Ferd said...

blasphemy! since when do you subscribe to baths!? And after so much eye-rolling at my preferred means of ablution. I see holes in your story, Fibby!

oline said...

i subscribe to baths since coming into proper plumbing fixtures. but actually, there's the a.m. shower for ablution and the p.m. bath for relaxification (though wives & daughters teetered on taking the plunge last evening- a moment of major anti-relax).

Bombsy said...

PILLBROTHEL!
OMGenius!
FOMB!

oline said...

obviously, next comes the brothelbox!