28 February 2007
9 february: a revue
"so what we've learned here is that a diet of caffeine and cupcakes does not make one look one's beautiful best."
"i wonder if she'll name her walker 'Texas Ranger.'"
"i said sext. i meant next. clearly the memory of last night is still with me."
"rory used to be so cute. before she became a strumpet."
"a potential, real-life thing could happen."
"i am twenty-five and i'm excited about spending a night alone with dr. quinn. is this progress?"
"it would be bad to come this far only to die of scurvy."
"don't dismiss the youth hostel. i've come to believe it holds your romantic future."
"that leaves me highly motivated to do nothing but slack."
"it's so narnia out there."
"i do bring about some dingbats."
"ladies, change is coming!"
"your one known shot of Getting Away From It All is getting less gung-hoed."
"i apparently have all the time in the world now that time has ceased to move."
"fate is a cunning hussy."
"you've got your whole life to be nice."
"but should we be so eager to bring out the knives?"
"we're in the generation that waits longer to have kids, so we are producing some very spoiled pets."
"i don't think you can hide a collie. they're not exactly subtle beasts."
"i just feel wrong in my armpits. the level of powder freshness is not there."
"whatever keeps him well-behaved and un-A-hole is fine by me."
"how uncreative to name your city after the state and just tack a 'polis' on."
"i knew he believed in zit-popping but i didn't realize it was this extreme. the boy did a number on his whole head."
"this is SO gay. i mean, there's gay and then there's Gay and then there's GAY and then there's this."
"who would've ever guessed kankakee could be the land where dreams come true."
"he said God owns the beauty pageant? who backs the contestants- father abraham?"
"deep down, i really truly am seven years old."
"i realize this is a world class transit system, but at moments it's eerily like the zippin pippen."
"that's just one more nail in the coffin of his douchebaggery."
"i need to tell you something sexual. you know what sex is, right?"
"he's not a deleter... just a demoter."
"maybe there's good fear and bad fear- like cholesterol."
"what balls this woman has!"
"you know cosmo's good for kinky."
"suddenly my printer problems seem like small beans when former playmates are dying in random florida hotels."
"there is some loud barge thing out in the street. ok. it may not be an actual barge but it is nonetheless producing noises that make me question my own proximity to the waterfront."
"clearly everyone is of an age where it isn't anyone's business."
"i don't know how people kill actual people and get rid of the bodies. i felt like a total creep disposing of sofa guts in the dark."
"you know, barry once ate a scone."
"yeah, let's just say we spent two hours cleaning the walls at 3 a.m., and leave it there."
"who wouldn't want to poop in a pink room?!"
"you have to catch him in the right moment for that kind of stuff. otherwise he starts talking about a boat and a penguin."
"the hancock is way cooler than the sears and probably safer to work in too since it's shorter. and if people are going to blow up big buildings why blow up the second tallest? i think they'd rather go all out. i so would if i were a terrorist."
"so yeah. it's a big deal. but then, in theater everything smacks of big deal."
"toes must be sexy!"
"it's a good thing he's the boss, because if he'd been a worker, he'd have been fired long, long ago."
"that's the difference between us and apes. we have better tools. and they come in cool colors."
"apparently we're 25 now so people do real life things like become lawyers. i think we forget that because we're all so heavily into dabbling."
"i am mired in a pit of electronic disappointments."
"don't kiss girls... or mormons."