30 January 2007
14 january: a revue
"for the millionth time, you have arrived."
"you need an outfit that says: hey gay man, i'm sexy and like books and will make your wildest literary dreams come true. or something along those lines."
"if the Real World Denver has taught us anything..."
"is a flying rat's ass a detached ass of a rat flying through the air? i mean, really, can a butt fly?"
"well... it's not a butterfly."
question: "are you the girl who threw up at the benefit?"
answer: "what of it, bitch?"
"i love how this discussion of a romantic shambles has brought us to a prolonged discourse on the arrangement of a mall food court."
"you just don't know how hard it is to have my boobs."
"i always thought she seemed so goody-goody. and here she is... fornicating!"
"yes, sometimes even the goody-goodies fornicate."
"she really hit the nail on the head. or hit the nail with the hammer. or whatever that tool expression is."
"never underestimate the power of sexy shoes."
"the general public will fall in love with you. the general wikipedia-reading public, that is."
"i didn't say i hated it. it was just a green room and i love green. i'm just saying it would have made me nervous to sleep alone in there. you know how i am. especially in green rooms."
"people with as many books as us should never move. rearranging them in bookshelves is perversely pleasurable but the pleasure isn't really worth the pain."
"he was crap, they paid dirt for him, and then he was unexpectedly awesome. why can't life be like that?"
"yay for sexy shoes! is it weird for me to ask for a picture of your feet in them? yeah. i guess that's weird but i've gone and done it now."
"we're on a hayride of emotion here."
"people are having pregnancies that are planned. have you ever heard anything so scary?"
"i just sat back and asked myself, 'what would gilbert grape do?'"
"it's times like these- when i'm saddled with large, shitty furniture- that i truly lament the lack of local men in my life."
"we walked into that room and we owned it! well, maybe we didn't own it, but we at least looked really hot renting the corner."
"i must've had 25 icees that week. and that really makes a $12 cup worthwhile."
"clearly he's not thinking like a girl."
"so, my desperation for dr. quinn has become quite alarming..."
"i LOVE dr. quinn. dr. quinn taught me everything i needed to know about sex. or at least the really important things like how to position my hair."
"i'm extremely irritated with these people because i know they are not my future."
"i'm quite sure there's a big picture here, but it's one of those where you have to focus super hard to see the stupid dolphin."
"no boss should ever begin a sentence with 'girl, if i ever saw you in a g-string...'"
"apparently there are some very low points on the high road."
"so, even in the absence of any new real developments, there will at least be the illusion of progress- and that's really all i ask. illusions are my friends."
"hurrah for the rededication of lives!"
"if you're in the city and you're out there dating, invariably something sex & the city will happen."
"this is what we have come to. in his struggle not to say something cruel about my love life, he thinks a domestic abuse joke is the way to go."
"remember, i'm here to keep you facing forward."
"which is good because i get myself all kinds of turned around."
"it's amazing how many rumbly trucks go down your street when you're sitting and waiting for a rumbly truck."
"i can't wait to saddle up my pony."
"it is beginning to be very clear that they are an organization driven by people who are not getting paid."
"nature don't belong in my crack."
"yeah, he was pretty much a shit in drunk sheep's clothing."
"when baby's not happy, nobody gets hot chocolate."
"what horrid luck- to be carrying a mirror and hit by a car. that would pretty much signal my doom."
"he keeps calling me madame. like he thinks i'm secretly wearing red satin gloves and working in a saloon."
"it snowed just enough to make it seem like a magical turning of the page or some shit like that."